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Am I overreacting or is he?

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Relationship advice My fiance and I had a break a while back because we couldn't see eye to eye because he wasn't willing to listen to me and talk. He tried to date someone else while we were apart, which was fine. The problem is, when we got back together he told me he would stop hanging out with her and talking to her out of respect for my feelings, because I had done the same for him. I stopped being friends with all of my male friends because I knew it bothered my fiance.
Fast forward to today. He was talking and let it slip that he talked to her last night after I went to bed. I found out that he has been talking to her regularly ever since he had said he would stop, but chose to not tell me and let me believe he wasn't. It wouldn't bother me that he was talking to her, but when I casually asked him about it he became very angry and defensive. He claimed that I don't want him to have any friends, but I never asked him to stop talking to her. What really upsets me is that he lied about stopping talking to her, not that he talks to her. Am I overreacting like he says and just being jealous?

Am I overreacting or is he?

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If your fiance was committed to you, he wouldn't have the need to talk to this woman behind your back for whatever reasons. It's all OK to have a break because of issues, but the issues need to be sorted before trying to get back together again. Your man's actions should tell you where you stand with him and where your relationship with him is. There's no need to stop being friends with anybody, regardless of gender, if your relationship with your loved on is solid. When you're engaged to be married, your total commitment should be to your soon to be spouse.

Am I overreacting or is he?

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Zubair, I'm afraid it's against forum protocol to post your own problem or dilemma on someone else's thread. If you haven't already, could you please do so so that the Original Poster can benefit from the respondents' sole attention and focus. Thank-you.

(If you're unsure how to do it: click Forum on the top Green banner, which brings up a drag-down menu wherein you'll see Create New Thread, following the instructions from there. If you're fairly quick, you can Copy your above post and simply Paste it into your own opening post, to save you from typing it out again.
To copy it, block-highlight it using left-click/drag (it'll turn Blue); then press and keep pressed Ctrl while you then additionally press C. To paste it, keep pressed Ctrl as you click V.)

Am I overreacting or is he?

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"My fiance and I had a break a while back because we couldn't see eye to eye because he wasn't willing to listen to me and talk. He tried to date someone else while we were apart, which was fine. The problem is, when we got back together he told me he would stop hanging out with her and talking to her out of respect for my feelings, because I had done the same for him. I stopped being friends with all of my male friends because I knew it bothered my fiance.
Fast forward to today. He was talking and let it slip that he talked to her last night after I went to bed. I found out that he has been talking to her regularly ever since he had said he would stop, but chose to not tell me and let me believe he wasn't. It wouldn't bother me that he was talking to her, but when I casually asked him about it he became very angry and defensive. He claimed that I don't want him to have any friends, but I never asked him to stop talking to her. What really upsets me is that he lied about stopping talking to her, not that he talks to her. Am I overreacting like he says and just being jealous?"

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Questions:

1. Is he normally willing to let you talk and actually take in what you're saying, or is this a pattern? What was it you were trying to say that he didn't want to hear and deal with?

2. What do you mean 'which was fine'? Que??? Since when was it fine to start or try to start up another relationship when the previous one is still ongoing/hasn't been declared Over? 'Break' is not 'Termination'. So why on earth do you seem to think this is acceptable?

3. Do you realise he's imposing Dual Standards onto your relationship, i.e. you and only you must follow set rules - and do - whilst he himself gets to flout them?

Why did you having male friends bother him, what did he say on that score? Were they single, available and actively looking for a mate (and were you sure they were seeking friendship and only friendship)? Had you ever dated them, or did the friendships hold any promise of such, whether explicitly or in any behavioural undertow? Was there any outright flirting involved on either side or any behaviour as indicated they wished to disrupt or jeopardise the relationship?

4. How did you get to KNOW he was trying to start up a new relationship?

5. Let it slip?... and additionally by huge implication that when you sleep your relationship becomes under increased threat?

6. Why wouldn't it bother you that he was talking to her?

(PS: No. If anything, you're *under*-reacting. And merely feeling *befittingly* jealous and threatened. Because he's already shown she is *not* "a friend", but a potential lover and replacement. Correct?)

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

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