Friends and life that sucks
My friend always bails on our plans to hang out. I always ask her to hang out and she says yes but then she says she cant because her sister is visiting, or she says she has homework or something.
My other friends, I understand why I dont hang out with them much they work and have a life, they're busy most of the time but her, she is almost always in her room, with her family or her other friends drinking.
I wish I didnt have to rely on friends to make life exciting but I dont have any experience with a lot of things and I have an abusive past which affected how much things I was doing outside of school (homework and a sh*t load of chores) I love horses but I dont know how to ride, I love swimming but I dont know how, I love music but dont know how to play, I used to like being in plays but after my stepfather I have anxiety with that stuff. I usually just lay in bed abd watch tv, I dont have any inspiration for art. I dont have the money for any lessons of any kind and I only have a few friends, my grandmother (who I live with) is so protective and I can't go anywhere without friends.
However I will be moving soon where I can do what ever I want but I will still have no life, my friend will still bail and I wont be getting enough money for anything.
What should I do?
You need to get out and enjoy life. Watching TV is boring and keeps you too sheltered. Do you have a bike? Are you within walking distance of any part time job? Any parks near you? I don't know how old you are but surely there are things around you to do for free. Life is meant to be enjoyed. You said you love horses? Any around you? If so, maybe offer to clean their stalls and help with the care of the horses in return for riding lessons. As for music, there are numerous free lessons on youtube for most instruments. Start with an instrument you have interest in. If no money, ask for one for your birthday gift or Christmas gift. Agree to chores for neighbors so you can earn money and buy an instrument.
People like hanging out with others who are interesting/fun. Find something you are passionate about and go for it! You will find out there is more to life than TV.
I would say don't consentrate on this one friend, stay friendly with her, see her when you can or when she can but also try to meet up with other friends too or make new ones. This particular friend might have problems she's not wanting to share.
Staying in a watching tv is very insular, you can do stuff for free and meet new people if you look around your area or the one your moving to. Find ways to earn money too that way you'll meet new people then you can look into the things that cost money like, swimming, horse riding. Free excerising like walking, running will help you feel better about yourself and stop you from feeling bored But no one is going to come knocking on your door you need to get out there :-)
Thanks for sharing. The fact you are asking for personal direction from total strangers suggests to me you are willing to take a few chances and risks in finding impact in your life. That takes some daring and guts. Good for you.
However, few of us can empathize with you regarding the “baggage” that can come from an abusive background. I think that is where your courage is demonstrated. Perhaps, also, it is your passion for music, swimming, horses, theater, etc., and not the experience that will drive your involvement in these areas. In other words, use your love and interest of these things to find ways to participate.
As suggested from previous posts, you don’t have to depend on friends to make life exciting. Their posts are very good and their ideas add an element of independence and freedom.
Once again, it is hard for any of us to understand the pain and fear that might be a part of your stepping out, but it may be the overcoming of this pain and fear that liberates you. Let us know how else we can help.