I've recently gotten closer to the age of 18 in less than three months I will be an adult. I know this is the usual problem of every angsty teen that just doesn't want to have to abide by rules anymore and be on their own. However in my case it seems especially stressful. My entire life I've never fit in with my family. Being the youngest I seem to be the most accepting. Both of my parents still carry racists and homophobic tendencies with them and it's beginning to upset me more and more as I go on. My current boyfriend is mixed he's a quarter white, a quarter Hispanic, and a quarter black. I cannot even begin to explain how happy this boy makes me. We spend every day together. We work together go to the same school and I seriously never tire of him. We've been together for about ten months now and he's just so awesome. However my parents can't seem to see that. After my dad has made some racists comments toward my boyfriend he now refuses to come by and speak to them. Which I don't blame him they're flat out rude. My parents have decided that I'm not allowed to see him until he starts coming to the door and saying hello when he picks me up. Both my boyfriend and my parents refuse to compromise and are standing strong at their side. I'm obviously siding with my boyfriend on this one but I don't know what to do. I can't afford to move out I'm still attending high school and no matter how much I beg and plead with them nothing is changing. My car and phone are under their name even though I help pay for it they still can take it away whenever they please. I feel helpless ( SORRY THIS IS SO LONG)
Yeah it's really sad that there are still a lot racist and homophobic people on the world and I can see how this puts you in a difficult situation but my advice is if you really love this boy keep going.
your dad should not of made comments like that to your boyfriend and he should apologise to him but sadly it sounds like your boyfriend isn't going to get one at the moment. Is there anyone who can talk to your parents on your behalf?
Obviously your dad/parents don't like the fact you go out with a mixed raced guy and they're trying to take control of that but it's a bit strange it's taken them 10 months to do something.
I can totally understand where your boyfriend is coming from, as he probably doesn't even feel comfortable even coming to your front door, out of fear that your dad will say something again and maybe his reaction towards l your dad might be stronger as in more angrie. Why would you go somewhere where you don't feel welcome or respected?
if you still see your ur boyfriend out side of home (probably best for the moment) at school and work then try to keep he relationship going. Keep reassuring/showing him how much he makes you happy just incase there is any doubts he thinks your parents are turning you against him.
Something will give and I really hope it's in your favour :-)
Young men need to realize that they should come to the door and meet the parents FIRST. That's what your dad expected.
But something got in the way. That step never got taken. Were hurtful remarks carried to your BF by you?
Did Dad make these remarks directly to him, or to you? How does your BF know your father made those remarks?
Help your BF meet your dad. Then that's all you can do. You have done your part.
If your father continues being a racist jerk, then that's what he will be. But at least you and BF have demonstrated class and maturity.
Ps Both of my granddaughters are dating young men of color. I expected them to meet me just like any other young man who would date my granddaughters. But I'm not going to kid you, this was new territory for all of the family.
They were said to me, directly to him, and over text while I was with him. Once I was showing him a video on my phone and my dad texted me saying "ask José if he will mow the lawn" his name isn't José just btw. Needless to say my boyfriend went silent. He has met them he has sat down to dinner with them he has spoken to them on multiple occasions but he simply does not want to see them anymore and how am I suppose to ask him to? I wouldn't want to see his parents if they said these things about me. There's no excuse for it and frankly I'm not going to be one to just let it slide. They refuse to apologize to him so why should he have to speak with them?
I read over that and it sounded super pissy my bad :-S. it's not towards you at all I guess it's just getting more and more frustrating not being able to hang out with him and trying to figure out a solution. I've been nothing but miserable around the house so now they're even more angry saying I'm being difficult and they don't enjoy being around me. I wish they'd understand I'd be so much happier if they'd just let me see him. I don't see how this is what they wanted at all.