HELP! Boyfriend / relationship
So me and my boyfriend have been dating on and off for over 3 years, (only broke up once for 6 months and got back together.) He's my best friend, and I love him like no other. Recently we've been fighting a lot, about stupid things that we can never seem to remember. We went on a trip to a city 7 hours away and we had a great time on our way and in the beginning. In the end is was a disaster. We ended up yelling at each other in front of our friends. We had to ride in the car today for 7 hours. The fight was so bad it carried into that next day of the car ride home. He wouldn't talk, he kept saying, "It's over, I'm done." In the most coldest voice I've ever heard him speak.
He's a very timid guy, he puts up walls and I'm the only person in his life that has always been there for him and who never gives up on him even when he pushes everyone away. He recently started back at University full time, and works early morning from 4 am-9 am and then straight to class until 5 pm most days. When he gets stressed out he works himself up and takes it out on the people closest to him, aka me. So today in the car he said he loves me but doesn't see himself marrying me so there's no point in to continue to date. We are recently 21 and 22 years of age and I don't bring up marriage, because that's so far away in my mind. I tell him to live in the present and worry about that later because things change and people change....He gets so hell bent on not marrying me that he can't enjoy our time together now that he just pushes me away....I love him and he says he loves me. I want to resolve it. What do I do?
Almost sounds like there is an underlying problem. Maybe it's just he's comfortable or theres an issue you both need to discuss. There is either no connection and he or you both are holding on, maybe both scared to move on and not hurt feelings, or maybe there is an issue he needs to open up about. He needs to be up front and honest. All that is happening now is wasting time and lives if there is no future. At some point in our lives we get older and even though we know we hate the BS and hiding things or hurting feelings, we still don't fully open up. I would be much easier if in relationships or even in life you just say whats on your mind and not be afraid. People may respect each other more and also not waste precious time! ;-D
Well, he needs to learn not to take things out on you and to deal with things in a different way. Maybe he's doesn't know how to but why should you always end up being the punch bag? it's not a fun relationship and never will be if this is what he does and how all the arguements start.
Maybe start to look at how these arguments start, which one of you generally starts them, doesn't matter how small they are if they keep reaccuring.
If it was me, I'd be making it very clear that you're happy to listen to him when something goes wrong for him and help him but taking things out on you has to stop.
Saying things like 'it's over, I'm done' needs to stop unless he generally means it. Ugh, Not a nice thing to say! It will make you upset and dwell so you feel as bad as he does. And he's trying to get a reaction from you or he wants you to make his worst nightmare a reality by ending your relationship, Who knows!
Sounds like you could be on different wavelengths too if he's already thinking of marriage and you just want to see what happens.
Take it slow, start putting your foot down, see what happens. :-)