BEACHLIFE - Sep 20 2017 at 22:08
My BF is 44 years old (been dating 15 months) and still likes to go to clubs. I do not care for clubs and he knows I do no want him in one. I think once you reach 30+ you should be acting like an adult and not a college age kid. We had a discussion when he went the first time and he knew it hurt me. He went again and after I became more upset he promised he wouldn't do it again. The third time he went I was pretty upset and told him I would break up with him if he went again. He said that is not an option and he would never go again. Just two nights ago I found out he went and was so drunk he couldn't remember driving home. He confessed and told me he was done this time for good and was giving up alcohol for good. I remained calmed but I am so tired of promises broken. Now I have a dilemma. Do I break up because that is what I said I would do, or give him another chance? In my mind he knew the consequences of what would happen but decided to go anyway. Now he expects me to forgive him because he says he is now truly done with clubs and drinking. I feel numb honestly. When I asked him what he thought I should do he said, "break up with me but I truly hope you don't." I promise I am done this time because it is affecting our relationship. Please help. I really need some guidance.
At the age of 44, one should well and truly over their single clubbing days, not to mention excessive drinking and driving. It's a matter of opinion at what age you are mature enough to stop partying but your issue is that you're on one level and your BF is on another. He really doesn't care what you say or what your opinion is but his actions tell you what he's about and where you stand with him.
It's not so much that he knew of the consequences of his dishonesty, what does matter is the question of whether he's mature enough for you and does he share your life goals and values?
Relationships can be a journey. I admire your patience and tolerance regarding your boyfriend’s behaviors. It will be challenging for you to sort through his true feelings for you and his potential addictions and revealing behaviors.
If you have not left him by the time you read this post, it appears you have made your decision, at least for now. Now you must decide what you do next, because it will most likely happen again.
Assuming you want to change your boyfriend’s behaviors you have a few options. One is to threaten to leave him, again, but based on pass responses, that may not motivate a change.
Another option could be to hold him accountable in giving up alcohol which to his credit, is his decision. If he can’t/doesn’t perhaps you treat him for alcohol abuse which may reduce his need or desire to attend clubs. More importantly, this change is a good health decision.
Perhaps you can find a mutually enjoyable activity that will replace his need to attend clubs while giving you some enjoyment also. This can only help your long term relationship.
Whatever you decide, we will be interested in your actions. Please let us know.
I been with my husband 34 years. Drinking was are problem and I listen to promise after promise now 34 years later same stuff going on . yes I stayed for my kids. worse mistake I made now. kids are grown and I am hear