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Relationship advice I have started seeing a long time friend about a month ago. Now this guy and I were extremely close, stay up all night talking, no topic of limits close. I have honestly never felt this way about a guy before, and I believe, at least I hope, his feelings are in the same ball park. Both of us are extremely guarded and have never been in a serous relationship, despite being in our mid to late 20's. We both are more traditional types, me more so than him. For me, it is very important to feel pursued, like I'm important to him, at least in the for start. He is aware of this, we had talked about it when we where just friends countless times. He jokingly called me a princess.

When we started dating he also had an approaching deadline at work that has kept him very busy. This has led to him talking a lot less and having to cancel two out of every three times. I know he tries to make time for me which I appreciate and tell him as much. Its the times he can't make it, often its last minute that he cancels and I have to ask before he will tell me if he can or cant go. I want to think its because he is trying until the last minute try and go, but it could very well be he forgot.

When we do go out its a lot of fun, but not very different than when we were friends. He offers to pay, but I don't let him, equal standing and all. He doesn't really acknowledge the change in our relationship unless I bring it up.(Usually teasingly) I am trying to change the tone, I dress up for all our dates, I am more flirt, and touchy. He doesn't shut me down but he doesn't progress to the next stage. He doesn't compliment me, or grab my hand, no sweet text or surprises. I honestly don't need a lot, just little things to show he cares. Heck, he hasn't even kissed me yet! (I know, I know, I can just kiss him, but at this stage I have made all the move. I was the one to ask him out, (after finding out accidently he liked me) Asked for the dates, etc. I need him to at least make some moves. I'm starting to worry he doesn't feelings for me anymore. I had been gone for a long period of time before hand, and maybe he confused missing me or the idea of me with something more. Now that we are actually trying his regrets his choice.

I will be gone for the next two weeks, and he canceled out last date before I leave. I didn't make a big deal about it and am trying to be understanding. I also have been trying to give him space to work. (we barely even text anymore) Please help, I feel like I am messing this up and will lose my best friend and break my heart in one fell swoop.

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Hi missyb,

Do you know if he liked someone before you? Look like he likes you more than a friend but not to the point that he wants something more serious. He just tries to get to know you more and confirm whether he loves you or not. He is shy and traditional guy. However, the guy who loves you will make time for you and won't forget his date even he's shy or not. He feels too comfortable around you since you two were best friend before. Not holding hand nor kissing in one month is serious. From your story, feel like you are the one loves him more and willing to change anything for him. Ex: you dressed up for your date, changed your tone, and more flirt. You are the one who did it all. He doesn't need to do anything b/c you are too available for him.

You should let him wonder where you are and who you are with. Let him do the work at least one. People say it doesn't matter if a girl makes a move first, but from my perspective, when a guy makes the move, he shows his desire, his sincere, and you are more valuable to him. It doesn't mean you don't like him but to prove that are you really important and matter to him? Give him a space so that he could think about you and miss you. Since you will be gone for two weeks, don't text or call first. If he doesn't do anything nor ask you for a date when you come back, you guys should just be friend.

At least, you tried your best, so you won't regret later. That's it. You did all 99 steps and he now just needs 1 step to come to you. If that one step is still hard for him to move, then he is not ready or not worthy for you to wait. If he makes a move, that is great. If not, don't say anything to him, just be like nothing happens between you two. At least, you remain the friendship with him. Another case is if he doesn't text you when you are gone, but get in touch with you after a long time when you are back then again don't fall for him. For many years you have loved only one man. This is the time you should move on. It hurts, but better than fall for one who doesn't like you more than you do.

Hope it helps. Always cheer for you. You are strong and deserve better.

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You have done more than drop hints, now it's time to get direct. After all, you sound like you want to know if this is even worth your energy . . .

You can say (in-person, not text!!) something like, "Hey, I really like you and wonder if we are going to make another step in this relationship, or are you looking for a friend only?"

If he says just friends, then assure him that you are there for him.

But really - he just doesn't sound like he is willing or capable of moving things forward.

This could really be a flaw in his character, because it means you would have to create all the assertiveness in your relationship. Really want that?

He could also be gay, have someone else on the side, or just not interested.


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