I'm a 23 year old male and haven't had a real relationship in about 4 years.
I work most of the day Monday to Friday and sometimes Saturdays
My problem is that I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship or even if want one but every time I think I'm ready for one I feel I'm just going to bring down a girl that I might like and that she would better without me in her life because there's some one out there better for her and all I'd be doing is holding her back from that
I don't know what to do anymore
Any ideas on what I should/can do to stop this daily battle I have with myself
You are not ready for a relationship, you have to work on your self-esteem first
The first thing I want to tell you
If you want to Love someone Love yourself first.
If you yourself cannot Love yourself then how can you expect anyone to Love you.
When someone Loves you , they see you as an emotional pillar, their anchor in rough seas and if you yourself have no confidence in you how can you expect them to lean on you.
Yes it will always be the case their is someone in the world better for the one you Love. You cannot say a cricket batsman is best in the world ..... probably some poor person had more talent than them and never got the chance to play.
Accept that Life isnt perfect.
I heard a beautiful comment sometime back "Real Love starts once you get to know the negatives of a person".
You dont get a perfect relationship ...... you have to try to make it perfect.
So I suggest that build up your self esteem as MINGLIAO said.
Believe that youre awesome just dont get too proud of yourself.
Just the right amount of self esteem.
One more thing I want to say.
Never tell a Girl that someone better than you is out there for them ....... Nothing hurts them more.
It takes energy and a healthy amount of good self esteem to put yourself out there and decide to look for love.
Do you have that? Energy and good self esteem?
It really doesn't sound like it since you have already decided that you will reject love and tell it to go away to find something better. .
Perhaps you are depressed - or maybe being dramatic. Were you hurt before?
Get a physical and find out what's going on. You should be very excited about the future.
Are you just down on yourself or does your foreboding hold any basis in reality, say, because the relationship that ended when you were 19 has convinced you you're a downer or trouble in that situation "fact, full-stop" (possibly because she said so?)?
Or... Could it perhaps be that you feel you SHOULD feel ready for a relationship and that there must be something wrong with you if not because, say, all your friends have lately acquired girlfriends thus it's nagging at you as well as leaving you out on a socialising limb, but you just somehow can't get into gear? Reason I ask is because: "I work most of the day Monday to Friday and sometimes Saturdays".
Feet say, 'No thanks' or 'Eeek!'. Or did and are now caught in still doing. ?
What I mean is, that - unless it was you hinting of a readiness to change your present situation (on condition of being able to here and now identify any point) - tells me you've buried yourself in work via these O.T.T. hours in order to, perhaps, [a] use it as a shield, in terms of aiding your own willpower as well as limiting your practical chances to hang out in cruising grounds and "score" in the first place, and [b] allow yourself total control over the "button" called Resume Romantic Life (via the fact of the somewhat rigmerole of having to adjust your working hours first)?
Or is it the other way around: it's your O.T.T. work-life getting you down and so pushing yourself back out into the dating market, as well as would be fun might, you think, simultaneously incentivize you to face having that difficult talk with your boss about reducing hours or change jobs altogether?
Your post reflects someone that is kind, caring, and considerate.
It is strange how we see ourselves in our own world as mundane and forget to see the other realities that there are in the world, and so we therefore underestimate our own value. A simple life is a beautiful life. We find pleasures in moments that we create, not because there is any extravagance to it. (well the right girl that is) The reality is... there is a lot of cold and lost people in this world that do not care about anything about themselves.
I have always wanted a guy that is dedicated to his work, so that he could come home and be pampered and have the rest of 'life' organized for him. I am a bit of a dreamer though and a complete romantic. What you have and want is a simple life and the world seems to be getting busier and more complicated every day. Where two people have two different worlds and come together to share some responsibilities and healing.
In order to 'get yourself ready for a relationship' you can do some paperwork. Get a notebook out and on the top of pages write a question. Then spend the next few weeks collecting answers for each of the questions. Once you plant the questions in your mind you will find yourself generating answers at random times so keep the notebook close by. Watch some romantic films for inspiration too.
The questions you want to ask yourself are....
WHO AM I? The reason why you need to have a clear and detailed answer to this question is because you have to know who you are before anyone else can. Also, when we know who we are, we have a lot more confidence. We have more control over what other people think of us because we are a stronger reflection of who we are. So in asking yourself the question WHO AM I, you want to consider...Characteristics, Skills, How you think, What kinds of things you say, What you do, What you see, .... and be sure to try to inspire yourself to be the type of person you WANT to be. The more you review these pages, the more likely you are to become it. We are all just like computers, what you input you can output.
WHAT IS LOVE?
WHAT IS A RELATIONSHIP?
HOW DO I KEEP MY BALANCE?
These are just a few questions to start, you will think of some of your own. This is how we BUILD. By answering these questions you will be able to break that hard shell that you have created that is full of doubt and insecurity. Women love confidence, which is why a lot of jerks end up with nice girls. The ULTIMATE equation is to be a nice confident guy.
What this will also do, is help you keep in line with what is important to you. In relationships we all compromise but you do not want to change what is really important to you. When love begins we can be a little bit blind, and in time truth becomes clearer and you realize that this isn't the relationship for you. There are ALL SORTS of people in the world, and there is a sweetheart that IS your match waiting to be told that she is 'a good girl' a girl that you want to make your own to take care of... and as JOEY puts it in FRIENDS.... to give and receive, and to receive and to give and to give and receive lolol
Hollywood is the school of life...FOOLS RUSH IN is one of my favorite films, it is filled with valuable reflections about relationships. MR. and MRS. SMITH is really clever too. Let me know if you want more suggestions or clarity about the entire letter. I hope this was helpful.