Men and their boobs....
Just wondering how other women feel about their boyfriends or partners looking at other women on the internet. For me it makes me feel like I am inadequate. I am sitting here right beside him and he could easily look over at my breasts or touch them or whatever, yet he goes to the internet. Makes me feel like I am not good enough. I spiral into this negative self thought and it's hard to get out of. When I bring it up he thinks I'm being ridiculous and says that all men like to look at boobies and to get over it. It's not personal. Can someone give me some pointers on how I don't take that personally? And am I really being dumb? I think it's disrespectful to do it when I'm right here, especially when I've said it hurts my feelings.
He's doing that right in front of you? And you have let him know that you don't like it? He continues?
He's rude, impulsive, dismissive, and thinking only of himself.
I can't believe this (rude, impulsive, dismissive, and selfish behavior) doesn't spill over into other parts of your relationship.
You're not being dumb or over-sensitive, you're right, it is disrespectful that he is doing this right in front of you. What are you meant to think? Clearly, you're there to be each other's company, not watch him selfishly look at other women in the internet. Fun.
I can't think of any pointers that would help you think this is ok, coz if I was in the same position, I would probably feeling the same.
Yeah, I'm sure most men do or have done this, in their own privacy and own time...but how many would in front of their gfs, not too sure ...I guess it depends on the gf and If the bf knew it was completely fine and no offence would be taken, as in, it had been talked about first. Saying that, I think that would take a very confident, very self assured person to be able to sit there and watch and not say a word or spiral.
if it's sending you down this horrible negative spiral and making you think really cr*p thoughts, then you need to tell him properly and really emphasise, if you haven't already coz thats not fair. You shouldn't have to be feeling like that. negative spirals are very hard to ignore and get out of.
He either really doesn't realise how this makes you feel or he's testing you in some way but he needs to listen and start to understand. So my advice is keep making it clear, show him in whatever way you can.
Ask yourself this, what do you think his reaction would be if you started looking up men and their er, bits on the internet in front of him?
Damn right, you two.
Not personal, my a*se. You can't GET more personal if you're aware something - ANYTHING - you're regularly and frequently doing upsets your partner (and plenty of other millions of wives/gfs besides) but then simultaneously heaping on yet *more* insult and belittlement by refusing to stop despite knowing!
Maybe this 'isn't personal and he's just got PMT' as well: "You're RIGHT, this IS fun! Hey, look at this magnificent ***k! It's quite a bit bigger than yours, isn't it...wouldn't you say?.......different colour as well......... I think I'll make this my screensaver, actually. You don't mind, do you, darling? Tsk, what am I saying - course you don't, you're the freest of free-thinkers!..."
That's what I call the OH YEAH?! response. Taste of own medicine. But that's only if you've already exhausted the (more adult) attempt to have a sincere, serious sit-down talk or seek agreement to enter couples counselling or take a mini-separation (so you can think and decide whether you can live like this) yet *still* can't face the thought of voting with your self-respecting feet (despite prolonged repetition of this offensive behaviour would erode said self-respect quite quickly anyway).
Depends on whether he wants adulthood to feature in your marriage or not, really. If he blocks all the conventional, adult routes then - there's your answer and it's Taste Of Own time.
Still...Could be worse. Could be the Beano. Or Jackie. Or the Freeman's catalogue (good grief, grow up, you stupid man ;-p) (sorry, but - good grief...).
PS: "And am I really being dumb?"
Is that what *he* said? He called you dumb?
PSS: just to make it clear to anyone who (yawn) might leap to defend pornography or looking at it openly: The porn is not the point. Why he'd insist on keep doing something he knows upsets you to the point of creating trouble in and ultimately harm to your marriage as if choosing It over You and The Marriage is.
Sweet heart, I am more worried about your self esteem taking a hit! I have heard men say, " you're so jealous or It's a man thing! Umm, my dad was a real gentleman and tried to raise my 4 brothers to respect a woman for who she is and not for her body. I have read the comments and they have all given some great replies. It really is sad that woman have to deal with this kind of attitude from any man. A decent man wouldn't care about another's boobs body etc if they had a heart and loved you . I'm not saying he doesn't but, being in the same position, but some what worse, I know the pain and depression you must be facing.. It's true what SOULMATE said. Men are very territorial. They are just fine looking at woman but if a man looks at what they have they lose their cool. Not all, don't get me wrong, because there are some very respectful men who are NOT like that. So by giving back what you get is the only way to open his eyes. If that doesn't work Hun, than you need to decide , do you want to be with someone who is this way or do you want to live happier with a man who can be loving, respectful, and all about your body?
My dad always told my brother's, " it is NOT a man thing" as men continue to say, it's a "PERSONALITY THING". They choose the kind of man they want to be!!
The worst thing to do Hun is to allow him to take your self esteem away from you, it is such a horrible place to be, and it can be hard to get back.
Remember this, you are a woman and you deserve to be treated with respect and love.
I know from experience that when you allow it to go on to long they only get worse.
Keep intouch and let us know how you are and if things change for you.
It seems like you have been given some good advice!
Keep your chin up and know, you are a beautiful woman on the inside and the outside.
Don't lose your self esteem for no man!!!!!
Another self-respectful, self-confident response - nice one!
Bet you any money you like, all four of us respondents had that sort of dad. I know I did. For starters: Men...Women... Unless conversationally he *had* to specify, he'd refer to them as PERSON...."You know...so-and-so's mum...that person chatting to your mum the other day with the long blond hair and Blue skirt...". (And I rather think all the incredible amount of recent gender-switching going on proves his point on that score.)
However, I guess (oops) we should ask ATWITSEND the million dollar question of HOW LONG he's been behaving like this. I know her alias would seem to say it all, but if this is literally the ONLY way he acts like a prize ahole (meaning, 'I'm at my wit's end OVER THIS' including '...because it's been going on for DAYS/COUPLE OF WEEKS now'), it could be that he's wounded and angry/resentful over something to do with bedroom biz and acting it out through awkwardness about tackling it out in the open?
Still not very a mature or sensible way to behave if so, but... that would at least make things overall less serious.
If not, though, if we have this AND him using the word 'dumb' on her, and anything else. Well...
RSvP WITSEND? (Unless you're busy having talks or an argument?)
And PS: if you don't want to get down to his level with the taste of own meds (which is like being the patient in the next bed), there's also 'Matron': "Well, then, if that's your attitude - you two...three...four/four hundred(!) can sleep in the spare room tonight. And every night until you show YOUR EXCLUSIVE MATE due respect AND FIDELITY, INCLUDING MENTAL AND VISUAL. I think that's fair enough. Night-night."
PPS: Sorry, WE - I said 'wife' and 'marriage' and am still in the mindset of you two being hitched in some way. I'm just assuming he must be because you were obviously still sat beside him rather than having quite rightly 'flounced off' home the minute he brought the site up on his laptop. Out of curiosity - why didn't you? Do you live together?
Old habits are hard to break.
It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, and it doesn't mean that he even wants to cheat on you.
He just likes boobs. They ARE kinda comforting, nurturing...beautiful.
If it REALLY is a problem, like there is a ridiculous amount of time spent on the subject... just put pictures of other kinds of udders around the house subtly over time... it will make him realize what they REALLY are. lol
He appreciates a beautiful woman... we are Goddesses. But you are HIS Goddess.
Those boobs in the picture are not associated with anything, the conversations with these fictional images all tell him sweet nothings, they don't ask him to clean the garage, or this or that!! lol You see? A bit of time spent looking at pictures are just moments where he feels lucky....and those feelings will make him feel better... the domino effect?...he will be more babyish around you.
If I were to apply this situation to my own life, I would not be very happy about it but I would dismiss it as him being a little puppy that day.
"just put pictures of other kinds of udders around the house subtly over time"
It's not the pictures, though. It's that he *knows* doing it right beside her, so she can't help but be super-aware, upsets her to her core but insists on keep UPSETTING HER TO HER CORE. Diff/all the diff.
But I imagine the udder pictures would act really well as a cold shower (hee-hee - nice one - got any more?).
My daughter went through the same thing. Don't let him make you feel like your not good enough. Stand your ground and tell him to knock the school boy crap off! Let him know you mean business. If he continues be done. If a man truly loves you, he will care about how he makes you feel. He won't want to lose a good thing. What he isn't willing to do another man is!
Scuse the late comment, but - well put, JAM! There's just no way anyone can argue with that.