Dreaming or real?
So I walk into the tutoring center at my college and notice a cute new tutor. She seems a lot younger than most of the other tutors around campus so I walked over and said hi. She looked up at me and smiled said hi and all that, but I noticed that her eye contact lingered for a lot longer than normal. You know when you just get a weird feeling about the situation that makes it abnormal. So I broke the eye contact and just went on to ask my question as I didn't want to make it weird. After we solved my problem I started to pack my stuff when I heard her say that she would be there till 4 if I wanted to come in and ask her any other questions. It seemed a little weird since I have never had a tutor give me their availability as there are like 4 other physics tutors at the tutoring center but I just took it as her being new. Fast forward to now about a month and a half later I have gone to her for several problems now. Each time it seemed like she was flirting? I know some people are just really friendly so I take she's that kind of person but could it be a little more? Possibly? For example we were solving a tough problem where we were both throwing everything we had at it to no avail, but the experience itself was almost fun. Like we were giggling and laughing the entire time. To the point where I noticed the other tutors kind of looking over at us. If she catches me walking into the center her attention seems to be towards me as even if she's with another student she kind of watches me walk in. Or even a more recent example where she wasn't paying attention as she was writing something so she didn't see me walk in but as soon as I said something to another tutor I saw her head perk up out of the corner of my eye and look in my general direction. I started to take these signs as a green light, but then I started thinking about it. She is a grad tutor that graduated in 2013 putting her at around maybe 24 25? I'm 20 so there is a bit of an age gap. To make things worse I don't look 20 and my proof of that is I still get change when I try to pay the adult price on the bus. Second I'm a shy person that usually doesn't talk to girls unless they talk to me. So my confidence with girls is low but her being an older girl wouldn't she be able to pick up on this kind of thing and kind of be turned off by it? What if I'm just seeing what I want to see and not reality. I see her smile and laugh with other students, hell guys flirt with her all the time. So me feeling like I have a "special" connection with her feels like a fantasy instead of reality. But then again, what if what I feel is actually real? I'm scared to act on it because what if she says something along the lines of NO! I risk turning my favorite tutor into an awkward encounter that I'm going to have to avoid from then on. But what if I'm just being dumb and risk missing out on an opportunity to be with an amazing girl. Part of me is telling me to just leave it alone but the other half is telling me that I always miss out on opportunities in life because I'm too scared to act. I know this probably sounds really dumb and stupid but if you read till the end, thanks! Any insight and advice is greatly appreciated
1. She could be 17 or 77 and it would make no difference. If she breaks her formal position of trust she'll not only be fired and disgraced, but won't work in the education industry ever again. Might even make it onto the Sex Offender's register, you still being in education. And she's already on her way, certainly at the gate, judging by the fact the other tutors 'made like meercats' at her edging towards crossing a boundary ("what's-this, what's-THIIIIIS?!!...TUT-TUT-TUT").
2. You, on the other hand, are just practising on her - BECAUSE she's (you hope) safe / a cul-de-sac. Plus, if you can 'succeed' with an older thus more sophisticated woman, that'll be like having practised with 3 or 4 of your own age. You can't afford to acknowledge that fact (bar a nagging suspicion made manifest in your coming on here to say SHOMEBADY SHTOP MEH!, or else the 'stage' wouldn't so closely represent a real-life example, enough for it to count as authentic, worthwhile practise (sense?).
3. I'm telling. (
4. You have too little to gain versus practically everything to lose (and same for her).
5. By your own admission, you'd look like, say, her younger brother. And there is a HUGE difference at that age between 20 and 25, the equivalent of a 16 year old, going out with or having a thing with a 6-year old. What's wrong with her, then? Do we need to call Matron? (Try imagining it's your mum at that age with a bloke 5 years junior; that ought to do it.) (Sorry for the cold shower.)
Really. This is no opportunity, it's a GO ON, THEN, I DARE YOU!...a dare to see how hard or wimpy you are at this point, whether you appreciate your life station or would prefer to slide ALL the way down, down, down into a rather deep, wet, muddy pit featuring no ladder, just your fingernails and muscle power.. Courtesy of the University Of Life. Curriculum entitled: inner strength of will and determination and self-discipline. (You're being interviewed for something in the future, something good but important....I repeat, this is a test.)
But Fate/Them/It obviously likes you more than the average because it sent me in to semi-save you, look. I say 'semi' because I wouldn't be capable of hauling you out if meanwhile you were refusing to cooperate like some deadweight. You'd have to stay in there, halfway down but still too 'in' versus 'out/free'.
PS: How you practise is...just start chatting and being friends with the other female students. Soon enough (friend..friend-of-friend, cuz, sis...), you'll come across the one with "your" chemistry - bam, pow, kazow! (unlike with Teachie, there will be *zero* doubt) - whereupon you and she could have a conversation like this:
You: Heee-hee...see you later, then?
Her: K. Hee-hee.
(and so on and so forth)
...And probably will.
PS: I'm still telling.
PPS: But no doubt it's just an equally safe, daily ego-boost for her, too, meaning, wouldn't go anywhere beyond this current situation. Or you remind her of her fave, little brother (oops, cold shower again, tsk, I must stop doing that).
Id steer well clear. She in a professional position and u not.. By all means talk and that but don't try take it further will end in tears..
WE ARE MADE UP OF ALL OF THE SAME THINGS THAT THE EARTH IS!!
I think that you are a strong WATER element and that she is a strong FIRE element.
You said that your eyes connected and stayed connected... there is a scientific reason that a lot of people are unaware of, but you will both try to generate answers as to why you think you feel the way that you do!!
You are trying to rationalize it, she is trying to rationalize it... both still subject to your NATURE.
You might build that connection into a relationship and it can be a successful relationship if you take the right steps to BUILD. Allowing nature and our intellect to work together.
Or you will decide that its beautiful nature and enjoy her company and the connection while you have it, and enjoy others you meet in life with more awareness and regulation over the powers in life.
You could have a party, bring a few pieces of paper with the information, where and when in your hand so that it looks like you are inviting lots of others. You don't have to have it at your place, you can have it at a local bar, or restaurant, or chill out place, even outdoors.
Or it could be a movie night with a group of friends.
Or better yet!!!!!!! I would tell her that there was something that you wanted to teach her for a change. Do you have a skill???? Something that you could teach her????? Sooo romantic. And isn't that we do throughout life? Teach one another different things!!!
That last idea is soooo cool. It doesn't even have to be a romantic thing. It could be a total friends thing.
Your attitude will lead the way so keep it chill.
We should ALL do more things like that so that there wasn't this question of are we going to be in a relationship, but instead, are we going to have a great experience?!!
Because an experience like this could potentially be one I remember on my death bed!!
Life IS just one experience after another after another after another after another after another... till we pass away.
From your description, sounds like there is a strong mutual attraction going on, which is taking this tutoring experience to a whole different, unanticipated level. Your questions and introspective thoughts make complete sense coming from the sensitive and thoughtful young man that you are.
In your asking for advice, there is a lot to sort out here, starting with what is the reality of all this. The basics are that you are a student seeking help from a more experienced student /tutor for the sole purpose of getting assistance in understanding the subject matter of the physics class. This is the reality of why the tutoring program was established for the student. It also benefits the tutor by providing him or her experience in sharing what they know. There probably are some rules and boundaries under which this program is established – like location, hours, subject matter of the learning, etc. And there probably are some clear and implied personal boundaries, which are necessary to stay focused on the purpose. Are you familiar with these rules/guidelines? Like you, I am wondering if this tutor isn’t pushing the interpersonal boundaries by being flirtatious.
The other reality, and likely the more interesting and exciting part, is your personal and emotional experience with this young woman. She’s special in that she’s got you checking into your self- confidence, and trusting your judgement, as you try to be logical about the age difference, as if you are already considering where this relationship could go.
This might be a good opportunity to search yourself. So many questions that are important in entering a relationship – what do you bring to a relationship…what qualities or characteristics do you look for in the other person, what type of relationship are you looking for, and are you even looking for a relationship at this point, how do you know the right one, etc.?
Do you have a faith reference for your life, know Jesus? Knowing Jesus brings a whole new reference to who we are, guiding our heart and mind in relationships. He definitely wants a relationship with each one of us.
I guess I’m throwing more questions at you than giving advice, but would really like to chat further.
BTW, it does happen that teachers and students become life-long mates.