The hardest thing about breaking up is....confusion
Last night I got upset that my boyfriend of 3 years didn't tell me he would be meeting up with his friends across town. I'm very transparent when it comes to letting my bf know where I'll be, what I'll be doing and with whom. He always complains of mutual respect in our relationship which is why I became disgruntled and decided to find out for myself by going thru his iPad.
I take full accountability for my actions. I ran across some very suspicious texts between him and a few other women. As soon as I saw this, I immediately admitted what I was doing and he became furious and started to head back home. (We don't live together). This isn't the 1st time I've called him out on his communications to other women. This time, he pretty much told me he can't take it anymore and has to reevaluate his life and our relationship. I caught him and he's mad at me.
Is it absolutely crazy for me to still want a relationship with this man? We are both 37. I have a son, he has a teenage daughter and 2 year old son (surprise baby from bootycall). He's been divorced twice.
I'm just so confused at my own reaction. I want to still try having a life with him. But at the same time, am I completely stupid considering he's having conversations with other women? I thought our relationship was solid. I'm obviously clueless. Please, what is wrong with me?
It is quite normal for you to justify his actions. When people are in love, they tend to focus on the good and ignore the bad. You can try to be with him IF AND ONLY IF he's making an effort to change. If not, then he doesn't care, move on. Let him go! I know it's not easy but it will get easier, trust me. You have to love yourself and understand that you deserve so much more than a guy you don't trust. You'd be surprised about the things I put up with with my ex just because I wanted someone to say they love me, he just ended up making the same mistakes and making me unhappy and I still loved him, until he dumped me, I thought I'd be heartbroken but instead I was relieved. I don't want you to do what I did. Leave him, focus on your son in the meantime and I promise you, in 2 or 3 years you won't even remember his last name!
Good luck and be happy! :)
I like your motivation for strong self-evaluation and awareness. It speaks well of your desire for personal growth and finding long term, loving companionship for yourself and your son. As you already recognized, however, this knowledge can be troubling and painful.
I’m not sure you needed to go to his IPad to determine what his past behavior pattern has been and what it could be in the future. Is your need for his companionship worth the risk you and your son may face with such continued behavior? What is the worst that could happen in this relationship? What is the best possible scenario for you and your son? What is the risk/reward for both of you?
If you can answer those questions honestly, you may find there is nothing wrong with you.
If we can help you more, please let us know. I would like to know what you decide.