Anyone felt lonely in their marriage??? Ugly & unwanted???
I’m a 27 yr old female been married to my husband 31 yr old, for almost 5 years. His job sent him to the police academy in July. We’ve been happily married since day 1, in August I started feeling lonely more than ever, I understood he was busy with the police academy work and the studying he had to do, but on his free time all he did was get on his phone instead of talking to me or the kids or getting involved with us as a family, the kids started noticing that and made me realize that I wasn’t just making it up in my head, not only was I feeling lonely, but our sex life was not good. Before all of this my pride had gotten hurt when I asked him to have sex with me and was turned down, so I almost never asked him and waited until he asked me, well one day I had the courage to ask him because it had been a month or so and he said yes, but when the time came where it was the best opportunity to do it, he was dragging and on his phone watching videos and i felt foolish for asking my husband to have sex with me, I got tired of waiting so I got ready for bed and laid down, when he saw I was in bed, he asked me if I still wanted to “have fun” and that just made me so mad and was hurt because he waited for me to get into bed to ask or make a move... My pride was hurting more than ever because he’s done that exact thing where he waits for me to get into bed (him thinking I’m tired) to ask if I still want to have sex while caressing my calf... and that makes me so mad, I aggressively pushed his hand away. Because to me it felt like he was waiting for me to get into bed, thinking I was tired and that i would say just that. What he did was a rejection to me, that made me feel unwanted, ugly and hurt. I don’t think I’m an unattractive person, and recently before that I started to loose some weight in the hopes our sex life would get better. The feelings I was having were hitting me hard, and found my self crying all the time after his rejection. A mutual friend of ours reached out and I vented a little bit of what I was going through, which I didn’t really wanted to put him in that place because he was a mutual friend. I finally vented to one of my best girlfriends who also was friend of my husband, and she convinced me to talk to him, which I was not doing because I dint want this problem to be a distraction for him and I was afraid he would score low on his exam if I worried him with this. When I finally talked to him (September 17th) and expressed what and how I was and been feeling, he put down the phone in his free time and gave that attention to me and the kids. It’s been almost 2 weeks, and he can’t stay off his phone again instead of giving us some of his free time to the kids and I, and no sex... he doesn’t even touch me, hugs me or cuddle with me. He kisses me when he gets home but that’s it. I’m feeling how I felt before and I hate this feeling, I don’t want to vent to my friends or worry them with my problems... Idk what to do.. should I talk to him again? Or what should I do? I don’t want to feel anger or resentment towards him, I’m tired of feeling this way and tired of his sexual rejections and lack of sex drive. I’ve told him he should go see a doctor for that... but of course, he says there’s nothing wrong with him and tells me I’m crazy... we are two young people and I feel we should be having more sex than just 1-2 if I’m lucky 3, a month... or is it me that has a sex problem????
There's an issue if your husband can't put his phone down to spend time with you and his kids. It's telling you that you are not his priority and until you have a serious talk with him to get him to explain to you who and what he really needs in his life, he'll just keep on ignoring you. It really shouldn't matter what you weigh or what you look like, it's your husband who should be finding you attractive regardless.
Forget about his exams, it's his responsibilities to his marriage with you and his kids that he's neglecting. He needs to understand that for him to succeed, he needs your support but if he's getting support from others via his phone, then he needs to tell you this.
Counseling could be the way for you to go and he'll need to go with you. If he won't, then you might have to issue an ultimatum to him because you can't keep on doing what you are doing and expect to remain happily married.
Is this new behavior since this past August only?
He is studying for accademy exams?
What is he doing on his phone? Is this studying?
Can you go away for a weekend? Without the kids.