CILA - Oct 12 2017 at 22:41
I dont know where else should I put this but I feel like i'm going to explode if I dont. I don't need advice. Anymore that is. I just want to tell you guys who read this and maybe have same problem like me that there is someone who actually understands.
It all started with my grandma and my father. You see my father was really obsessed with his mum aka my grandma. When she read the book every Sunday by the fire my father did too. When she went to church every day my father went too and so on.. He never moved out, His entire life he had spent with her. After some time he married my mum whom he loved very much. At first. My grandma liked her too. At first. Then my mum and my dad had together my sister. They all had their happy lives. My mum was happy because she had beautiful daughter, loving husband and helpful friend - my grandma. Something unexpected happened tho because my mum was to have me. It would be all fine if there wasnt a catch obviously and that catch was my mum's health issues and age. Doctors said that if I was lucky enough I was going to be a cripple or an autist. Otherwise i was going to die along with my mum, the pregnancy was very risky, doctors suggested abortion. My grandma strongly agreed ( my father as well of course ) but my mum was scared. When my sister and mum told me this I thought at first that she didnt want to go there because she loved me. But she was just too scared but eventually she decided that she would go for it. Doctors said tho that it was too late. My grandma was very pissed at my mother because she didnt want to have an autist in their house. I was born and (doctors couldnt believe it ) I was totally fine. Should have died there though. My grandma stopped talking to my mum and my dad started slowly but surely beginning to hate her. When my grandma died my dad blamed my mother for that and stopped talking to her as well. Dad started drinking..a lot. He sometimes didnt control his rage and..you know the drill. He used to beat the crap out of me now not so often. My mother blamed me for eveything, she knew what dad had been doing to me and she still didnt try to stop him.
When I started going to school first 3 years was fine. Then something happened I dont know if they realized that I am weak or what but they started insulting me, beating me and bullying me. When you have your loving family but you don't have friends at least you still have your family. And vice versa If you have friends but dont have family you go to your friends. I had none of that. In 7th grade I broke down. In front of entire class. My classmate called me names and hit me in the back of the head. I sat down and started crying. I had been crying for 45 minutes and everybody started filming it on their phones and making fun of me. I thought that maybe some of them would realize that maybe it was wrong and actually tried to help me. But nope. I used to think of myself as a strong person for quite some time but I was so weak. After 7th grade I was completely broken. I made myself an imaginary friend called Martin i used to tell him everything I was talking to him every day. I couldnt sleep. I had terrible paranoia i thought that behind the door is my father or classmates. I was too scared to close my eyes and open them after. And of course I wanted to kill myself. I attempted 4 times and all of these tries were pathetic. I was not even strong enough to kill myself properly.
I finished elementary school and right now Im in gymnasium. I used to think I have friends but Im not so sure of it anymore. All of them basically know the story but still they didnt try to help me. Not even once. They dont want to talk about it, they ignore it, they know something is wrong but they do nothing. And I dont blame them.
I don't know where else should I put this story. If anybody is the same like me.. Just know that I understand you. Life is not fair. I would like to make myself an example " yea ive had a hard life but I survived. Be strong dont cry and you will too!" but I cant. I was too weak. You really need to be strong and to be strong you need to believe the life will actually someday get better. Dont do what i have done. Sooner or later I will die but at least I can make this post to help others.
Remember: Its not bad to cry. Sometimes it helps you keep the stress out of the system. Listen to some sad slow songs and as wierd as it is you will feel better. I hope you will do better that me:)
Anonymous 18yo boy
Your story touched my heart in everyway possible. I was too treated bad at school.I had No one I was all alone. At home my dad was abusive and mom wasn't emotionaly available. I had a doll that I use to talk to all the time none else would listen to my dispair.I'm glad I'm in my 20 and don't have to be valunerble with the people that hurt me anymore. I have found some healing. I am steel alive for some reason maybe to wright you.I'm sorry for what you had to go throw but it made us the people we are today.
I was treated horrible growing up. Put in a cage by my mother. Beat close to death weekly by my father. Raped at the age of 4 by my grandfather. Beaten by my older sisters friends when at school. My life was hell. I'm now 32, with a wife and 2 kids. I know it sounds stupid but Christopher Robin said something to pooh bear that you should take to heart. You are smarter than you think, and you are braver than you feel. Life will get better at the age of 15 I went to court and became a adult. I left my family got a job and went to night school. Remember that you are worth it, even if you don't feel it, you are.