Basically it started out as little things like when he would come to my house he would text his friends and say â€śsorry she wanted me to come overâ€ť never would he see â€śI wanted to come over to her houseâ€ť it was always me forcing him to do things. Then one night he said he was always over at my house because he didnâ€™t want me to get mad at him if he wasnâ€™t. So it makes me feel like I have to force him to do anything and it makes me feel depressed. Itâ€™s homecoming week and I asked him if he wanted to go and he said yes. He said he was going to make one of those cute little hoco signs to ask me to go but then he said he didnâ€™t feel like it so he never did. The homecoming dance is in a day and he didnâ€™t buy anything to wear he said he will wear jeans. Then he said he doesnâ€™t even want to go but heâ€™ll go for me. Now itâ€™s the morning of the dance and he said he canâ€™t go now because no one can work for him (which he is actually happy about because he didnâ€™t want to go in the first place). I wish he would have told me sooner because I wasted money for a dress and the tickets I bought. I feel like I have to force him to do anything with me I donâ€™t feel he loves me like I love him. He doesnâ€™t act like he loves me around his friends and obviously he canâ€™t call off of work for me to go. If you love someone you should have to be dragged along you should be excited to do things with them and I just donâ€™t feel like he feels that anymore
...is a nasty piece of work (you're welcome
""Then one night he said he was always over at my house because he didnâ€™t want me to get mad at him if he wasnâ€™t."
PFFFF! What a load of self-over-protective, self-aggrandizing CR*P! (...to use the technical label, lol).
"So it makes me feel like I have to force him to do anything"
Yesss, doesn't it.
"and it makes me feel depressed."
YESS!, DOESN'T IT!
How many depressed people do you see, rearing-up and going, 'NOW, LOOK HERE, YOU - YOU TREAT ME BETTER OR YOU'RE DUMPED!'? (Take your time.
This guy's a nasty piece of work. Look how he provides you an illustration of the love you or any woman would want in-action and then adds the fact HE DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT. Translation: I don't love you / I can't be bothered to expend any effort over you. Ditto to his wearing jeans ("awww, she's not worth dressing up for"
He didn't tell you sooner because if you're writhing on the ground from the (manufactured) fact of the person you love not only not loving you back but being SADISTIC AS HELL ON TOP, that makes him feel like a Somebody, rather than the Nobody he heavily suspects and suspects *other people* suspect he is! I'm not crap....look at the effect I'm having on this prize of a female!
It's akin to a drop-out, no-mark, skint loser, somehow getting his hands on a Lamborghini and in order to kid his social circle that he's actually loaded, overly carelessly or full-on deliberately keeps pranging it, bumping into tree-trunks with it, failing to service & maintain it or wash & polish it....basically bit-by-bit beats it up...the overall message (to himself through getting to see others believe him) being: Oh, this old thing...who cares...got loads more supercars at home.
He's using you to pump and keep pumped his puny little, shrivelled ego and keep it pumped. It probably helps his confidence when constantly out cruising for other "chicks".
It's not that he doesn't love you. That deliberate set-up stunt over the homecoming - AND I'M TALKING *PLANNED* - shows that that he hates you, has nothing but contempt for you. Why?...because you're not good enough? NOPE. BECAUSE YOU'RE GORGEOUS! Because you are and you have everything, past/present/future, he would want but can't ever be or have. You're a shiny Red apple at the top of the tree and he the maggot at the foot of the tree in the mud and poo and that's [rolls eyes] yours and the world's fault, nothing to do with him so ..."TAKE THAT!...AND THAT!...". Either that or his only role model was a man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, whom he's stupidly copying (thinking it's what makes a man a man) [puke]. Depends...what age is (isn't) he?
I won't even bother saying something like, Why haven't you already long dumped him?, (wouldn't anyway, but) because I'm well aware you'll have been X amount addicted, still, at this point. I can also tell you're on the cusp of ready to SQUISH! and thereby cease being his little torture-chamber victim.
Hope that helps for now.
Homecoming? So this is high school?
Guys that age are just so immature. Don't expect much from him.
Hope you went to the dance with a bunch of kids and had fun. This guy is just not ready yet.
(If you're still reading or getting alerts - ) note '103 Shocking Red Flag Signs You're Involved With A Narcissist' no. 79. (not just no. 79, though, obviously):
"Likes to put you in a state of limbo when it comes to events you are invited to attend. Will refuse to commit either way [and often won't let you commit without his consent]. You end up looking rude and losing friends - all part of his plan." - Angie Atkinson (licensed life coach and Narc survivor), YouTube.
Let's in your specific case, i.e. the above event, edit that last part to, 'You end up [through lack of time, thanks to his waiting until the 11th Hour to pull out] losing any opportunity to invite/accept an invitation from someone else instead'. That way, you stay open as a convenient option for when he next wants to pull you out of the toybox and play with you.
Hope (if you're unable to respond) that helps you to avoid types like him in the future.