Mixed up feelings
So i have been with my partner for 4 years. Recently we have been struggling with a lot as he has recently been out of work and we struggled financially, we were homeless until a couple of months ago, he has drug use issues and following the very traumatic birth of our son in april i have struggled massively with post natal depression.
Recently we have been having a lot of arguments which have been getting more and more out of hand (never violent towards me but walls and doors have been broken) and a lot of emotional verbal abuse.
In recent weeks i have started to have 'feelings' towards my partners friend who has always been good to me and kind after our fights.. im not sure what to do, i want to be with my partner as we have a family now but my feelings toward his friends are getting harder to ignore.
I may not be the most qualified person to help you out, but nevertheless I'd like to get the ball rolling for you.
First and foremost, it seems like you could use some time away from your partner. I'm not suggesting a separation, nothing that drastic by any means. I am merely hinting at some personal time, a mini-vacation of some sort, away from your partner, to reflect on things.
Being the sole bread-winner in the household and dealing with a partner on drugs does not seem like a fun time. It also seems unfair that these problems are arising such a short while after you and your man came into having a place to call your own. Usually having a house and a newborn child makes people happy and makes them want to work towards a future together. It's unfair that that isn't happening for you yet.
Do you want a future with this man? Do you think you can give him more support and love to help him get through his current problems? Or are you becoming drained by trying to hold your entire life with him together?
You have to answer that first. From there, if you feel like you need to separate and focus on taking care of your baby, then do that. It's really on him to decide whether he is a father or a man-child. If his friend is there for you...Well, I don't have any idea what his friend is like. But if he is good to you and seems like a good man, then maybe it's worth keeping him on as a close friend.
At any rate, you need to weather the storm as best you can. If your husband doesn't want to step up to the plate, but his friend treats you right, then maybe giving him more of your attention isn't such a bad thing. You just have to decide whether you need to make a drastic change or not. I usually don't condone cheating? But I realize the statistics with drug-users aren't always real great. Use your head. Do what's best for baby and you.
I am *so* sorry that you're caught in this nightmare, you poor woman. On the upside, you're clearly incredibly mentally strong! So if I were you, I would banish all worries (I can hear them) about ever 'cracking'. I think it's safer to say, you're the type *can't* crack (bet you sometimes wish you could, though, right?).
But you're stuck between weakened and strong at the moment, which is Neitherville thus Ineffectualville. So let's get you even stronger! Please order (Amazon or wherever) a copy of 'Living With The Dominator' by Pat Craven. It's a short book...but only because she's such an amazing nutsheller of a writer! And not expensive (2nd hand, c. £5). And it's a good job it's short because YOU WILL NOT BE PUTTING IT DOWN. So make yourself a good 1-2 hour window before you start.
I believe you'll find your 'lovely, violent-but-not-voilent [is!] husband' in there.
..and then report back if you like/need. We'll still be here.