I love and care deeply for someone but they won't let me in anymore
Once upon a time, I was in a long distance relationship for 8 months with a girl living in America. Before me, she had been in a long string of abusive and manipulative relationships, one leading in sexual abuse, that had left her filled with a lot of fears, insecurities and anxieties. She couldn't trust anyone's high opinions or love for her and was filled with self hate. I had promised to always stand by her and show her how valued her opinions, her comfort and how she as a person was.
Over time, We had bonded and I was able to watch her grow and flourish as a person, overcoming these issues and finally gaining confidence and pride in herself once again. We had unconditional trust and made each other better as people. However, just recently we had went through a break up and are just managing to keep contact due to the busyness of our lives and the distance. In that time, I have just found out that she has suffered another act of sexual abuse and has now completely reverted back to how she once was when we first met. It's killing me to watch her suffer but she won't stop pushing me away, only messaging me once a day. She's in agony inside and I want to give my everything to reaching out and helping her but I'm constantly reaching an invisible wall. I've reminded her so much how much I'm there for her as I always have been but I don't think she trusts it anymore. I want to respect the peace that she feels she wants and I feel that every attempt to reach her just damages things further and becomes pressure on her.
What should I do? I'm never going to turn my back on her but I fear she's soon going to cut me off. Should I continue trying to break through to reach her or should I just allow her to keep her distance from me and hope she makes her own progress?
This is a very difficult call.
Let me try to understand this. Long distance during 8 months. May I ask where were you going with this? Are you serious about your relationship?
A long distance relationship for that long made her feel "protected" by you. The abuse destroyed that image. So, maybe, she's blaming you for not being there to protect her. (I'm not saying you have any responsibility, tho)
So, right now you're in road-split. You can keep on the main road, and go to her. Make the relationship REAL and be there for her. Or you can just stay where you are and let time do its thing.
It's really up to you. There's no way to know how she will react to any of the options, so this is a high stake for you.