He loves me, but wouldn't care if I left...?
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 9 months, long distance. I love him, he's the first person I've ever dated or had serious feelings for and I always thought we were very open with one another.
On a visit this weekend I was goofing around in his phone (something we both do, never in secret), and asking him who people were, trying to make conversation and learn about people I don't get to meet since we're so far apart. He was fine with this, answered questions, told stories, until I got to a particular name. He jumped up, grabbed the phone and tried to play it off saying he was talking about me, and was embarrassed because of the nice things he said. I pushed him...why would he be embarrassed to say nice things about his girlfriend? I'm not proud, but I got emotional and ended up in tears. He finally explained that he told the girl (who was at one time a potential romantic interest) that he loved me, I was too good for him, and he'd never leave me...but if I decided to end things he would get over it "almost immediately"...that stung.
I don't know if this is a reason to end a relationship. Is it a sign of respect for me and the decisions I make, like he is saying? Or is it him being too comfortable in a relationship that just isn't as important to him as I thought, just not wanting to take the initiative and dump me himself?
He says he loves me and he's happy...I'm just feeling exposed because he talked about this with a relative stranger and his reaction was to hide it from me rather than have a conversation. Thoughts?
Relationships are demanding and challenging. Throw in long distance and only 9 months of being together, and it becomes tricky at best. I don’t doubt your love for him and I don’t believe you have had to have a previous relationship to measure this current love. So with this affirmation, let’s explore your options.
Trust his emotions and his communication. If he says he loves you and is happy, believe him. This may require continued and truthful dialogue but all relationships do. Have you told him you are sensitive about his sharing his love for you with others? If he is in love with you, he wants to share this joy. Is that a bad thing? “Getting over you quickly” sounds troubling. Have you asked him to qualify or at least clarify that position? Is such a response more about him or you, and how?
The consequences of such trust may lead to some disenchantment if not worse. However, you ask if this new information about him is worth ending a relationship. No one can answer that but you. Weigh your current love for him and the risk of losing that love. What hurts more? What would it be like if you were not a part of his life and he not a part of yours?
Keep us informed on your choices regarding this relationship. We will find it interesting.
AlwaysWondering, did he ever at the start of the relationship explain to you why he was okay with the idea of a long-distance relationship in the first place?
I agree you should insist on clarification of that "get over it almost immediately" sentiment. That's issue 1.
Issue 2: when you say, got to a particular name, do you mean you were about to open and read the texts between them and he could tell? Go into step-by-step detail for me, from 'until I got to a particular name'.
PS: Why "always wondering", and why *always*? (Is that Issue 3?)
PS: How long-distance? We talking planes, trains or automobiles? And what one-way journey time?