I can't seem to "get back on track" after losing my husband of almost 30 years. I'm 60 now and it took me a long time to date. I am ready to be in a serious relationship and have 2 relationships. One is with someone I've dated over the last 4 years and another for a year. Neither at the same time, though. But I can't keep on bouncing back and forth. The reason for this is because I am not certain of either man. The long-term bf is someone I have a good sex life with and passion as well as laughs, etc. and I'm attracted to him BUT he has a history of financial issues and at the current time just got re-employed but for a modest salary as a substitute teacher. He inherited a small sum but it is held in trust to avoid paying old creditors, from a time when he committed some (white collar) bank fraud and was convicted. I have no doubt he loves me very much, but I worry about living with him (or marrying him, as he'd like to do with me), given I earn a good living and have a nice nest egg (but I have adult children I'm supporting for now as well as myself).
The other man is very, very kind, generous, loving and considerate but I don't feel the same sexual attraction to him (it is there but no where near the 1st bf); however, I am still physically attracted to him and our education and professions are very compatible. He also lives a distance (75 miles) so we'd need to work that out if we are going to ultimately live together (which is what I want to do with the right guy).
Both men say they love me and are good to my children. Both are good family men and are good to their kids, moms, etc...
I keep on struggling - do I go with the 1st man (with whom I have more sexual excitement but need to worry about future finances), the 2nd man (who I can be happy with but there may be some sexual attraction lacking; however, I have no financial worries), or neither? It may sound strange but I love them both for who they are. I don't want anyone to support me but I can't be supporting someone else for sure; I just don't have those kinds of resources.
Can anyone help me sort this out? I can't go on like this...I can't sleep or think straight and even have trouble at work; I just want to cry I miss my old life with my late husband.
Your post is about analyzing both of these guys to the max but to be frank, neither of them do it for you, otherwise you wouldn't be here. When the right man comes along, you won't need to analyze him because you'll accept him and his circumstances totally and vice versa. As for not wanting anyone to support you, the right man will do just that, in more ways than you can count, without you even realizing it, just as your late husband did for almost 30 years.