Bestfriend and the girl I love
I’m Shawn and I’m 18 I met this girl in 10th Grade and I fell for her immediately but she had a Bf yet we flirted with each other All the time when they broke up I had a chance with her but I wasn’t maturely ready at that moment. So the beginning of my Senior year I started hanging out with her again and I started staying the night with her and we slept in the same bed and stuff but we didn’t do anything sexually and she said she wanted to try at a relationship again....so Valentines Day came around and I bought her a couple hundred dollars of stuff for her and cooked her dinner and after that she said that she didn’t like me like that and so we stopped talking for a bit and when we became friends again she told me she liked my best guy friend of 6 years which upset me because at this point in time I was in love with her so I care for her and she can date whoever she likes but I didn’t want her to date my Bestfriend of 6 years because I care about him and I didn’t want this to affect my relationship with him or her so I literally have no idea what to do!?!?! So I told him that I didn’t want to stand in front of her happiness so if he liked her to go for (deep down I hoped him knowing how I felt and my history with her would make him rethink doing anything with her) but with the next couple hours he messaged me tell me he is at her house and it’s awkward and he doesn’t know what to say or do and so he’s literally just playing on his phone. And I told him he’s never had this problem before so What’s the deal because to me it seems like he’s not into her so why even try. And he literally was falling for her best friend the day before that so I didn’t understand but I just pray that he realizes that she’s not his type and moves on because I’m the past he never said he thought she was cute or anything he literally said the opposite so I feel like he just wants pussy from her....so yea I could really use some advice, Because I really Care about both of them!
Hi, Shawn. You never mentioned if this is your first real love, only that it was a young love. Not that it matters in the scheme of things. I’m sure it hurts and confuses just the same. Welcome to adult relationship building. I hope we can help.
Perhaps we can just problem solve together. Begin by stating the problem. Be careful with this as it may not be as obvious as it appears. For example, is the problem keeping both as friends …. Keeping a girl friend…. finding happiness for all three of you…..? Not being specific could cloud potential solutions.
Once you clearly and specifically identify the problem, find all possible solutions to the issue, with both the positive and negative consequences of each choice. Be objective an honest. Next, determine what you can accept and live with and what you cannot allow (not that you are in complete control here). Pick a solution and work towards it. If the decision is too difficult to make (as it appears now), doing nothing is always a choice. What are those consequences?
After you clearly identify the problem or what it is that you want, share it with us and we will help you look at possible solutions.