In a dilemma
I hope someone reads this and maybe offer me some advice. A little back story: I was sexually molested by a man who was our neighbour when I was about 5 years old. As I was growing up, I had low self esteem and I hated myself;still do. When I was about 18, I start sleeping around with a lot of guys. I was very promiscuous. But I was always ashamed. I don't know why I did it but I just did. I hated myself.
I met my husband when I was 19/20 yrs. It was OK at first, but I was still sleeping around. He would find out and then forgive me. I really didn't mean to hurt him. He almost left me a few times but he hang on.
I got pregnant with his child at 21. We decided to raise the child together... We have 2 more now. We've been together for 12 years.
The thing is, when I became a parent, I automatically stopped living the disgusting life I was living. But my life has been so hard. For 12 years, he has been sleeping with other women. He has had affairs, or hooking up on online sex sites etc. Just hooking up with anyone. When I find out, he doesn't show any remorse. He says I deserve it. That I set the tone. So I have lived like this dying inside.
I feel that I deserve a shot at happiness no matter my past. I regret everything I did. I wish I could tell turn back time but I can't. He doesn't respect me. He says I humiliated him and he is ashamed. I feel so bad about that. But what do I do? He wants me to take whatever he dishes to me. But I can't live this way anymore. I hate myself so much and I want to love myself. I can't when the situation is like.
He is a great dad and he provides to the best of his ability. But he is a self confessed sex addict and a serial cheater who believes I deserve this. Maybe I do. But I don't want to live this anymore. What would you advise me?
You have children. What do you say when they quarrel, you break it up and one tells you, "But he hit me first!"
Tell your husband to Stop - full stop today. He's had his immature "payback" and it's time he acts like a husband.
Or you do just like handling the quarreling kids- separate.
Sunkissed – You have not had an easy life. We are all affected by things that happened to us as children. I was not treated as you were, but I feel that what was done to you was wrong and is something that you carry with you. I too have days when I don’t like myself. It’s because I’m overweight. I commend you for changing your life choices when your children were born. Children need stability and good examples. I do not agree with what your husband is doing, but we cannot change him. I admire that you would like to make things work with your husband. Sometimes change can be brought about in others by our actions and attitudes. You didn’t mention how you communicate with one another, are there angry words spoken? Think about ways you may change the way you communicate. Do little things for him that show that you care about him. You may want to check out Focus on the Family for ways to help in relationship areas. Know that God loves you and cares about you.
Hey. I'm pretty young (turned 18 a couple of months ago), but I know that no matter what you did I think that by trying to get even with you, he is a jerk and isn't worth your time. You changed for him, for your kids, and change is hard. If he pays you back like this, it's not worth it. And as much as I understand your kids would need a father figure in their lives, you also matter. Your feelings also matter. Just because you made "dumb life mistakes as a young adult", does not mean he can just do that to you at any time, and frequently too. Just leave, honey. He is torturing your emotions and that isn't good for your kids either. To see their parents arguing and hearing that their dad keeps sleeping around with people that aren't "mommy". but this is just my advice. I wish you best of luck, sweetie!