My Bf chooses his Ex over me constantly
OK, for this post lets call my boyfriend Jess and his ex (who's also his best friend) Vanessa or Van for short.
Background info- Jess and i have been together for over two years. I am 25, he is 35. We live together. He was dumped by his ex, Vanessa in 2013, he wrote her love letters until he and I met in 2015. We started our relationship fast, and I tried being friendly with Van. I even let her continue to cut Jess hair after he and I got together. ( I don't allow it anymore) After a few incidents of him lying about who he was with and it ending up being vanessa, She and I are no longer on talking terms due to her lying with him. She is not welcome in our house, and I am not welcome in hers.
For the readers sake, i will skip to the most recent act of disloyalty that Jess has shown me. The other night before jess got home from work at 11 pm a friend had called me to come over to their house to visit for a minute because they needed someone to talk to. I left, but when i got ten minutes from my house I realized my tire was low, and by the time i pulled over I had a flat tire. This is a reoccuring problem that jess is familiar with because he patched the hole in the tire, and knew thsat it had a slow leak. I was on the stretch of highway that is kinda in the middle of no where, with only a safeway and a gas station down the road. Luckily i was pulled over at the gas station, so i positioned myself at the airpump and began to search for quarters. Jess arrived home as usual about the time that i had stopped to look for quarters. I was one quarter short so I phoned jess aand told him my situation, and asked him to bring me a quarter. He said he would and i waited for twenty five minutes before taking my nickel and two dimes to walk to safeway to exchange it for a quarter. Walking down a dark ass highway is super scary btw. and very dangerous and ILLEGAL. so I decided on my walk to sign into our joint account which shows where we are and I saw that he was at vanessas house, not bringing me a quarter at all. Furious i called him and told him i was walking down the fucking highway and that i needed his help! he said he was on his way, by the time i got back to my truck, i looked again at his location andhe was still at his exes house. so I began to alert his phone (love icloud for that lol) and he turned it off. By the time i put air in my tire and drove straight back to town, his phone was still off and i took my chances stopping by vanessas house. she lives in a gated community and i dont even know the apartment number much less the gate code, so i parked next to my boyfriends truck and waited, fuming. An hour and a half had passed since i called him for help on the side of the highway. Eventually he came out to his truck and was surprised i was there, calling me a liar saying i didnt actually have a flat. by then it was 1am or later in the morning, and he said he was putting a table together for van and thats why he couldnt cme help. am i wrong for being mad at thim for this? shit like this always happens. he is constantly choosing his ex over me!
You're either Jess's priority or you're not and his actions tell you that you're not. He's still attached to his ex by the hip and he's never really ended the relationship with her. When you met him, he was still in contact with Van and he needed to be over her well and truly before your relationship with him could have any chance of success. Your post tells us that it's still the same situation now.
You need to cut your ties with him and find someone who has no ongoing baggage from a previous relationship. That way you will be with someone who loves you for who you are and puts you on a pedestal. It doesn't matter what Jess's good and bad points are, or whether Van is his best friend or not, the fact is that he can't be loyal to you while he's still tied up with her...it's that simple. If you remain with him, unless he sorts it, it's more than likely that you will continue to be unhappy and continue to be put last after Van.
No, you’re not wrong at all, you have every right to be angry.
Writing love letters up until he met you? sounds like he’s never got over her from when she dumped him.
When you came along he might of thought he’d try to move on with you but coz she was still around in his life, (cutting his hair, you on good terms with her, until you and her were no longer on talking terms) probably didn’t help. Had the best of both worlds really didn’t he?
Not an excuse, it was up to him to stop communication and move on with you if that’s what he really wanted or be honest with you there and then.
His loyalty should lye with you every time not her. And he should of been there to help when your tyre went flat not carry on putting a table together for his ex...a table that could of waited... At 1 am? Hmm, It doesn’t sound or feel right does it? Or believable.
The fact it keeps on happening, that he’s lied to you before and he was angry that you were outside where she lives and then accused of not having a flat tyre, (why does he even think you would lie?) says a lot - as in guilty.
Might be time to think about how much longer you put up with the lies and dishonesty and if it’s time to move on.