Is my marriage over?
DOLLFACE7 - Nov 27 2017 at 17:01
I have been married for less than a year and things are going very wrong. I moved into my husbands house where he never made room for me. He has a ton of stuff. Months later we filled a dumpster and he still has so much stuff left. He has gym equpiment and tools that take up a two car garage, shed and three additional rooms in the home. I'm literally going crazy. To me it seems he values this stuff more than me and our relationship. 70 % of my stuff is still in boxes where I cannot access it.
We argue most of the time because of this. I feel I compromise and he doesn't. This eventually turns into big blow ups. Instead of fixing it he says we should just end it. He seems unwilling to do anything to fix the problems. We have this same issue over and over again. The latest argument was trying to move these boxes to clear space for our first christmas together (tree/decorations) where he was agitated with me and after a few minutes just threw the stuff down, yelled and walked back out the house.
9/10 promises he's made me he's broken over and over again.
Also he leaves the house when he gets really mad and I don't know where he's going. He never will answer his phone. I will give up and eventually go home to family which is hours away because I feel abandoned. I don't see this getting any better because I feel like I'm giving everything and he's giving little to nothing. I think this is the worst part. Someone not caring if you're safe where ever your going. I'm a believer in you can be mad but you don't have to be hateful. I am by no means a perfect person. I have however gone out of myway to make things work with the little room he's given me. Literally and figuratevely. However, it doesn't seem like its working.
I am sorry :(
Have you approached him at a time when he is calm to discuss your concerns in a quiet, respectful manner? You could also suggest joint counseling, which could help you both compromise while understanding each other better. Hope you can work it out.
I see that you are overwhelmed by things that aren’t yours. You see no value in them and even feel these things are ruining your marriage. Like most women, you value your relationship with your husband far more than the value of things. Men usually don’t share those feelings. Their stuff is very important to them. You are hurt because he has never made room for you or your things in his life. Compromise hasn’t seemed to work either. Your marriage doesn’t have to be over. You mentioned heated arguments. Have you tried talking to your husband about his things in a kind way? Have you thought about the attachment he has to this things and how important they are to him? Whether or not you agree with his feelings, they are important to him. If he sees that you can value his things, he may be more willing to move them or even get rid of them. I admire your willingness to make your marriage work and the value you place on your husband. I admire that you are willing to try to live with his things. I don’t always understand why my husband has so many things, but I realize that they are valuable to him so I let him have them. I also pray for my husband that he would have clear and loving priorities. It is true that men and women are different. We cannot always understand the men we love, but we can learn to accept them. Sending joy to you!