Hopeless and depressed about marriage
I have been married for a little under 2 years, together for over 3 years. This is my second marriage and third for my husband. We have had a lot of stress in the past 4 months due to selling, buying and moving into a new home. My husband has now become critical of me, increasingly angry and actually has yelled and called me an idiot a couple of weeks ago. I was very hurt by this remark and let him know. He shrugged it off as he does everything and said I was making a big deal about it.
He has also become more and more silly and goofy with me, especially after this incident. He often acts like an 8 year old boy and sings about boobs and other female anatomy. He thinks it's funny to burp and fart all the time around me now although he controls it around others and did so around me until around the time we got ready to move. It's a total sexual turn off for me.
Sex hasn't been that great the past month or so and he doesn't even attempt to please me like he used to in bed. He also kept pushing me in the past few months to fulfill his fantasy of seeing me perform sexual acts with another woman so I went through with it just over a month ago, thinking it would enhance our relationship. I feel it's actually damaged our sexual intimacy and it seems the only way he can get sexually excited is if we talk about what I would do with another woman. He also refers to sex as "fucking" instead of making love or other gentler references.
I need to mention here that he suffered a bad head injury several years before I met him and completely lost his memory and some mental functioning. He doesn't have empathy or compassion for me or others although he did show concern and caring in the first 2 1/2 years of our relationship. However, he didnt show any of the negative behaviors until almost a year into the marriage. I feel if he was able to control his outbursts and juvenile behavior then, he should be able to now.
I have suggested counseling and he blows off the idea, saying we are fine. I am feeling very depressed and hopeless about the marriage though trapped financially at the same time. I have a lot to lose at this point if there is a divorce. Everything would have to be split 50/50 by the laws of the state including the house. This is basically all my life savings invested in which half would then belong to him.
I felt very much in love with him until these behaviors were manifested. Now I am growing to resent him and completely regret my decision to marry him and include him as my financial partner. He virtually had none of his own money when we married. Almost all of the financial gain and assets in the marriage came from me although I realize now that I am pretty screwed if and when we divorce.
Feeling very hopeless and depressed. Do I have any other save or recourse here? I dont see a good way out of the situation or marriage given his denial and refusal to work on the relationship.
I think that what he’ doing to you is very rude and I would refer to it as harassment. I understand your problem and trying therapy was the best choice but if there’s no way for you to get him to change his mind then I would advise a divorce (with a good good good lawyer).
Staying in a marriage that makes you feel hopeless is not a healthy choice, I understand your worries about the money and the house, but I feel like you would risk so much more emotionally and mentally speaking, if you stay in this relationship, like depression or anxiety or destroying your self esteem. I believe they are way more worthy than money.