In love with my best friend
I’m a female bisexual and coincidentally, so is my female best friend. We’ve known each other since before our elementary days, and have been super close ever since. Naturally, being best friends, we goof off a lot, but somewhere down the line, our jokes got kinda ambiguous (ex. joking about marrying/kissing each other, etc.) It was all fun and games then, but since a few years ago, I realized that all my jokes don’t really feel like jokes anymore...I’ve developed feelings for her.
I think there’s a good chance she may have feelings for me too, as there have been incidents in the past way too flirty to be considered a “just friends” thing. There was a period of time where she would do things like cuddle up with me every time we were hanging out alone together, and when I asked a mutual friend if the girl I like did that whenever they hung out, she said no. The problem is, lately she’s had a big crush on one of her friends who we all strongly believe is straight, and ever since then, I feel like she’s been distancing herself from me a bit and cuddling with me less.
Today, she invited me to hang out alone with her for the first time in a while, and we had a great time, but every time she leaves I’m left feeling confused about what I should do. I don’t want to ruin anything because we have plans to move out together, possibly with another friend in a few years, but she really means the world to me. I’m scared to make the first move, but I also know that if she really does like me back, she’s probably too shy to as well. On top of it all, I haven’t come out to my family either, so only one really close friend knows about my feelings for this girl. Sorry this was long, but I’ll take any advice I can get. This sucks! :,(
We’re both 18, but neither of us has ever dated or even kissed anyone, which is part of why I’m nervous about it, as I know first love situations rarely work out. I probably should’ve clarified too, when I said she’s too shy, I meant that if she had feelings for me and ACTUALLY wanted to tell me verbally, my friend and I agreed that she probably just wouldn’t.