Should I give him time?
HAZ - Dec 3 2017 at 12:13
My ex broke up with me 8 months ago, he had a lot of stress with family and work and didn't need the extra pressure of a relationship. We were together a year and everything seemed fine before this. He asked me to make more of a commitment and the following week he changed. He asked to meet and we did and he said he regretted his decision to break up but couldn't get back together cos he feared hurting me again. I contacted him 3 months ago and asked him to try and he says he wants to but is afraid of hurting me. I do believe he is genuine. Any time I walk away and say that's it he asks for more time to think. I find it really hard as I really strive for or relationship but I'm sick of the rejection. Any advice? I'm sick with worry.
He's emotionally unavailable, and making excuses instead of making an effort. He's stringing you along because it makes him feel better to know he 'has' you, without having to invest anything real. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. He wants you there for him, without caring one bit about being there for you. That's emotional unavailability and that won't change unless he wants to work long and hard to make some major changes. This doesnt mean he's a bad person, or that you aren't good enough. You could be the perfect person for him, and he would still push you away.
Even if you want to keep hoping for him to "come around", do that WHILE moving on with your life. If he realizes you matter too, and sees he could lose you, that MAY wake him up. But don't do it as a test. Do it because you and your life deserve your attention. You can't (and shouldn't) ever have to put your life on hold simply because he can't or won't get his act together.
I was married to a guy like this for 24 years. I had to continually pursue him, and it took me far too long to realize what was going on. I eventually got so sick (physically and mentally) from the stress, confusion, and heartache that I couldn't ignore it any longer. I finally realized it was never going to change, and I had to save myself. So at 50, I blew my life up and started over. It sucked. And still, it was by far the best decision I've ever made. I'm so much happier now that my marriage feels like a bad dream. Don't let that be you. Get out before you get in any deeper.