How do I stop missing the man whose baby I’m carrying?
AMQ00004 - Dec 4 2017 at 18:15
I am 9 weeks pregnant. It was a complete surprise, and a massive shock. The father, I have know for about 4 years, we dated back then and he moved through work and it fizzled out. He’s always been in the background and was someone I considered a good friend and trustworthy. We started spending time together in the summer, and I found out five weeks ago about the pregnancy.
Naturally the first person I turned to was the father, who lost his head, and tried to persuade me to abort. This is not something I could morally do. As a result, he told me we were no longer together ( in fact he said we never were, despite meeting my family, friends, spending weeks at my house ect.) and that he will resent me for the rest of my life. He has been a bit of a monster, and called me every name under the sun. I have kept my cool, never sworn never shouted, just told him my door will always be open. He’s came round, and wants to be involved with the child, which is great, I want this baby to know his dad. We will never be together, the things he called me and things he said are unforgivable but will be civil because we have to be.
On the surface, I appear ok, but I am completely heartbroken, and embarrassed that I got it so wrong with him. And there is something in me that just can’t seem to stop missing him.
Any advice on how to speed this process up? I’m feeling pretty stressed and alone just now.
The decisions you seem to have made have come across as the most promising for you and your child and the right movement to go through with. You’re doing great.
My simple message to your would be- focus on your own being and the baby’s. Once you start to consider your own mental care as well as your physical, the environment around you will fall into place. Only accept possible vibes into your life, and anyone who dares to try and create a negative atmosphere for you, walk away. It is not healthy.
I wish health and happiness to you and your family.
Tip: Follow positive mind set accounts on social media, such as Instagram or Twitter. Or even Google a few and set them in places that will remind you how great you are doing, and that it is not the end. A good place I have one is my Iphone’s Lockscreen, as I use my phone daily and I can always be reminded to only accept happiness, no negativity.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, your feelings are quite natural. It’s not uncommon to have feelings for the father of your child, whether they are good or bad. You had a close relationship with him and there’s nothing that can change that. I commend you on your willingness to keep that precious gift of life. Personally, I don’t believe that you will ever regret your decision. My children and grandchildren are the joy in my life. Have you thought about how important you are to your family and friends? They value you! I also commend you for remaining calm and not giving into his ideas. It will be good for the father to be a part of the child’s life. Maybe at some point, you will be friends again. Grief is not something you can put in a box. It must be gotten through. No, the father isn’t dead but your relationship has changed so you have lost something important to you. Do you feel the support of your family and friends? If so, then I would rely on their love and support. Take care of yourself and the precious life inside you.