SARAH - Dec 4 2017 at 19:31
So lately I have been speaking to this guy who seems so lovely and genuine, we have called and FaceTimed and it has been great. He attends another school and my way of getting to know others more would be to start calling them and getting to know them more- which he is perfectly fine with.
Rewinding to about last year when I dated a different guy and I had failed to speak to my parents about it as sometimes I just don’t think!! Like I don’t think ahead sometimes and it really frustrates me. I have improved however. There were consequences for my actions obviously and I have definetly learned the hard way to tell my parents the truth.
This has only been a few weeks I have been speaking to guy and I have already gotten into bother. It was a definite decision that I was going to tell my parents about this guy however I was trying to find the right time to. Therefore I thought, I’ll call him, get to know him more, then when my mother or father asks about him I can give extra information about him.
2 instances in the past two weeks have left to me being grounded, doing chores without earning any money, the usual. 2 times my parents have asked me about the boy WHILE I was speaking to him and I have failed to tell them I was speaking to him- just because I thought I wasn’t ready. I’m annoyed as they have always told me- whenever they ask- I always have to be honest. I told them I wasn’t speaking to him and I found him “boring” because I panicked. I also didn’t think, which is causing me to kick myself.
Then last week I was accidentally caught out and got the hardest punishement I believe i have ever had. They advise that I don’t speak to him, however the boy doesn’t know this and only knows “I’m grounded”. I have to speak to him in secrecy and it is physically and mentally draining. I’m fact they have told me I cannot reply to him, and it’s really giving me anxiety as I know what is really going on.
I’m not a bad kid, I don’t receive bad grades, I’m a straight A student who continues to do chores and help around the house and do homework.
I have been told they were “disappointed in me” and it was the hardest thing to hear, ever.
Any advice on absolutely anything here? I can’t go on like this for any longer time. I am earning their trust back however I know that will take much much time.
Any questions ask me below.
Advice is much appreciated! Also If you have gotten to the end haha!
Thank you so much for taking time to read the post, I really appreciate it. In regards to your questions-
Yes they do want to know about any boy I simply “speak to” especially if it comes across as I like them.
I’m presuming “speak to” means to them just literally talking however I think they can assume it involves “liking one another.”
You appear to be a person who is really interested and curious about other people, wants and values relationships, and wants to feel some independence about how you go about this. Unfortunately, what you consider as innocent and normal has led to consequences because parents view your behavior in this regard differently. Since you are still a minor and living in their home, they have the last word.
To your credit for complying with the consequences, and to your parents credit for acting in an interested/concerned/responsible way, you end up in this situation. Without knowing all the details and circumstances, maybe you feel they are overreacting, overprotective.
Hopefully, the purpose of discipline is ultimately to teach a lesson, to learn something, to gain a better understanding. So, what are the lessons in here for you?
Ideally, you and parents can dialogue with each other to come to a better understanding about what is important for each of you, and since you are getting older and want to be more responsible and make your own choices, to negotiate an agreement about what is acceptable and what can be expected on both ends. My assumption is that parents want to be able to trust you to make good choices, to know that you are not taking risks that could be hurtful or harmful to you. And you want to be able to count on them to understand you, to have your back, and give you the support you need.
You did not mention if you have a faith or spiritual base reference to guide your life and choices. Believe it or not, but having a relationship with Jesus and following His teaching and advice can make all the difference. He is so amazing in how He knows and understands us, loves us, and wants nothing but what is best for us.
I love how you are so honest with yourself. How you said that it frustrates you that you don't think first. You see that is what being a teenager is all about. Its about taking the time to THINK FIRST, before you are out in the world on your own. You are fourteen years old. You still have another 3 years at the very least before you have to manage yourself and manage life. Read those last 5 words again. Manage yourself and manage life. Because right now is ALL you have to do, and you have to do it proactively... is manage yourself.
So put guys aside for a long while and raise yourself to be someone that will find a partner and be in a relationship that lasts because you are both 2 whole people with their own path in life that are together to heal and to have fun.
You are not ready for a relationship with someone else, you need time to develop the relationship you have with yourself.
ART is the most wonderful way to do this!!
All of your time outside of school, chores, and activities should be spent on building YOU.
There is one person in this life that you were born with and there is one person in this life that you will die with and that is yourself.
The sooner you build a strong, independent, loving relationship with yourself the stronger you will be, and the more prepared you will be for anything that life brings you.
Have you heard the FRIENDS show introduction song? It is true. Life is not going to be what you thought it would be. But it gets closer to it when you know who you are, and when you have defined what life is. Look around, there are all kinds of people, living all kinds of realities. We build them with the steps that we take in different directions. We build them with our experiences. We build them with our choices.
THE SUPERPOWER IN LIFE is that we can collect our thoughts and build on them. So get a binder and design it any which way your heart desires. Make a few sections in it. One section is called IDENTITY. Another section is called LIFE. And then in time you will design sections of your own based on your interests and focus. But start here.
In the IDENTITY section write notes, reflections, words, that describe who you are. Knowing who you are means knowing who you are not and so you will be victim to others, or played for a fool in a world that is more confused than you.
In the LIFE section, collect thoughts, posts, images, quotes, words, anything that defines life for you. I bet you come across a valuable quote, or post on facebook ... or listening to music, watching movies, that make you think....'i should remember that' 'that will make me a better person' or 'that's a good idea' and just collect them into you binder.
This book is your best friend. Work on is as often as you can.
You see, our mind is toooo complex to organize itself, we MUST organize it in front of us.
YOU have the POWER to TRANSFORM your LIFE. And be whatever you want to be.
Just put it on your path, put it in your book!!
I am glad that you were here.
Wishing you all the best PRINCESS. There is your first word for IDENTITY, now define what a princess truly is.
who you are!!
When you enjoy who you are, then others will enjoy who you are.
Spend your time creating art, and engaged in art and NATURE!! Watch movies, listen to music, dance, have fun discovering who you are and what life is sweetheart!
I understand what you are saying, and what my parents may be thinking. We have FaceTimed and called though.
I’m not an only child, I have a younger sibling, means I’m the oldest and basically have to take things first hand.
I’ll have girl friends over most times, but I’m not really close enough with my other guy friends to have them over.
2nd respondent- thank you so much for the reply! I am Catholic and I believe in Jesus and his teaching. I feel like that he himself is the best idea to move forward with anything in life.
3rd respondent- Hi there!!! Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and give me inspirational ideas and advice. Only issue I’m really having now is, ( I know this will make me sound naive ) that this boy genuinely likes me. I can feel a strong vibe, and he is constantly telling me how much he likes me etc etc. However I know for a fact that boys are really just with girls for all the wrong reasons most times and not “personality”. I really do not know what I want at all, and I don’t know what to say to him.
Thank you everyone,
I am happy to hear that you found value in what I shared with you. :)
Internet relationships are not the best idea for anyone. There are some registered dating sites where they screen the people, but random internet dating is a place where people are just lonely. They are needy. You want to be with someone that is going to help you fly in life.
On the internet and in real life people say what they think you want to hear, it is rarely who they really are. It isn't that they don't want to be good, it is that the world has told them that they are not good and they believe it. So they are constantly wrestling with their conscience, wanting to be treated as good but not believing that their actions towards goodness will lead them there.
Have you ever gotten in trouble for something that you didn't do? Or have you gotten into much more trouble than you deserved? These questions are true for billions of people. Unqualified people in life are telling other people that they are bad when they should be teaching them how to be better.
We live in a WEREWOLF Society. That means that people are getting bit, hurt by other people, and then they turn around and hurt others, because it seems to them that this is the way the world is.
PEOPLE NEED TO BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE GOOD.... Only they don't. There is a terrible amount of people suffering, which why there is so much darkness in the world.
Either way, friendships are the start of everything, you can't walk into any kind of connection with someone and have so many expectations. The only expectation should be friendship and then over time love grows based on experiences, respect, care, and seeing one another building their independent lives.
Do you have a written listed definition of FRIENDSHIP? Do you have a definition of RELATIONSHIP? Do you have a definition of LOVE? These are just three of many definitions that you need to work out on paper. This is what will power your WILL. Without it you are going to be blind and subject to what other people want of you instead of what YOU believe.
You have been given a power, a mind, a soul, a spirit that is just yours to build and to take with you on your journey. We have to be our own teacher in this life. We have to train our minds to work. Right now in your teenage years is the perfect time to start building your own training, collecting your thoughts, creating your path. The things you train yourself today will be on an automatic pilot in the future, keeping you safe, wise, powerful, and free to explore new ideas and experiences.
Moments are made upon mountaintops.... make friends and let those friendships all build into something real. Having lots of friends boys and girls is wonderful, when you are in your mid to late twenties and thinking about getting engaged because you are done school and have a career picked out, then all of your friends will remember what INTEGRITY you have, How much you respect yourself, How kind and caring you were, How much they learned from you, How..... and they will all work to find you the most wonderful Prince in the land.
And as a woman, you have so much power to be 'a mother' that is inside of all of us girls, that does not mean controlling, or overly attentive... it just means that you nurture growth. It's like when you are asked a question that you have never considered before, and that question has you in thought for days because its interesting and important. Your mind builds on ideas that we receive in the world, that is how you have the beliefs that you have (well built or misdirected).
***This is time for you to take Direction of your life. And art makes that fun and easy.
The best friends we have are the ones that make us think, the ones that make us better people INDIRECTLY. Without trying.
It is because YOU ARE ON YOUR PATH... and you share what is on your path.
You know school can kind of numb us. Teachers are always telling us what to do, and our parents are telling us what to do, our ballet teachers are telling us what to do, our church leaders are telling us what to do. It is all wonderful and needed, but there is a downside. Our mind is taught to wait to be told what to do. So when we are with our friends, everyone is looking to one another not sure what to do until someone throws out an idea that everyone likes. WE HAVE TO CHANGE THAT CONDITIONING, AND LEAD OURSELVES. WE HAVE TO KICK OUR BRAIN INTO A DIFFERENT GEAR that makes us take charge.... and lead us to awesome things.
Having a younger sibling means that you have someone that you want to protect. Which means that you have a superpower built in your mind. When you are faced with question and conflict you should ask yourself what you would tell your little brother or sister to do. You might want to start this project binder idea with them too. Which reminds me DEFINITIONS would be a good tab to add.
When it comes to 'boys just wanting one thing' I refer back to my point that WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US. So if a guy learns that he can have your attention and time just by saying nice things to you, then that is what he will keep doing. Or if a guy learns quickly that you are a focused, friendly, secure, smart, good girl that respects herself then he will learn to treat you with respect. Or if a guy learns that he can lie to you and you will believe anything he tells you, then he will continue to lie.
A superpower that is under looked in life is the ability to bring out the best in others. A bad thing, is to bring out the worst. We need to protect ourselves and one another from temptation, and wrong doing. So lets say that you are talking to a guy online and you sense that there are lies, instead of getting angry with them, you tell them that you understand that they were just messing around, but that it kinda hurt your feelings, and that there are other cool things to do with your time like skateboarding or volunteer, or read, watch movies etc. And then you just shrug it off. What this will do is teach the boy, that it is okay to be stupid sometimes, and that he is still good and not hated, and his mind will be open to new things to do. You will have set him free.
It feels bad inside to do wrong things, and it feels good to do good things. This is what FREEDOM is. We all need to strive for true freedom. (another word for your definitions tab)
We need to be free and we need to promote freedom in others.
So when someone is being dishonest with you, or out of line, the girl in you will want to fight back, but then the mother in you will see that they are suffering, forgive them, and try to show them you understand them, show them who you think they REALLY are, and point them in the right direction as to how to feel free.
We all build our own realities, we are all having our reality built by the people around us and our experiences. This is why the projects I told you about are so important, they will help keep you on your track, because we all fall down and we are all knocked off balance by the world around us.
If you are going to create the binder and you would like more thoughts on the project let me know.
Just think about it for a minute... will a book about you and what is important to you make you a better stronger you?
LOVEBIRD SOLDIER. aka TRULUV aka PRINCESS.