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I don't want her to move in

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Emotional advice Hiya

I live with my nan and dad at my nans house and my older sister, whos 18, three years older then me, lives with my mam. My sister told us she wants to come and live with us because my mam has a new boyfriend she deosnt like she says he's well creepy and she and my mam argue all the time because of him. My sisters boyfriend dumped her too and was seeing her best mate behind her back and now she doesn't want to be at home no more.

My nan and dad talked about this and told her she could move in and I'm really upset with them they never asked me if I was ok with it and they know what's she's like. Me and my sister don't get on she always been horrible to me and picked fights and called us names And she and my mam used to bully me all the time because I have anxiety they never tried to understand.

It was my dream to go live with my nan and when my mam and dad split up I made sure I moved to me nans with my dad to get away from my mam and sister. I've been really happy living with my nan and dad my anxiety went away and I made new friends at my new school and I'm getting As and Bs in most subjects. in my old school my grades were rubbish because I was unhappy at my old home when my mam and dad were together. Now I'm starting to feel anxious again because she's moving in after Christmas and I think my happiness will disappear and I will go back to the old me. I cry most days because this is happening and I keep hopeing it doesn't. .

The worst thing is we'll have to share a room, my dad decorated it for me the way I wanted and now my double bed will have to go and she'll come in with all her things and take over.

I talked my nan and said she couldn't say no to my sister because she is her grandaughter too and wants her to be happy. She said my sister might be different away from me mam but she won't because she's never been nice when she come to visit at the weekends.

How do I stop this from happening ?

Please help me

I don't want her to move in

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Hi! I'm sorry to hear this as it sounds like a very frustrating situation, but as you will learn family is so so so important. I understand you must have had a bad experience with your sister but I think this might be her retaliation to the split up between your parents. I promise you, although it may be difficult, if you talk to your sister and tell her how you feel about this and what you're worried about, she might not have even realised how badly it was affecting you. Communication is key as if you bottle it up and let it build up inside, it is very easy to think about the worst case scenario in your head, then you will start to feel anxious again.

So first thing, talk to her about it (on your own if possible) and try and find a way of seeing eye to eye on the situation so you can live together happier. With a three year difference and as you're both becoming older teenagers, I'm sure you'll become closer and she might even be able to help you with school things or other things that she went through at your age.

If talking seems pointless and she continues to be horrible to you (although this still seems like her defence mechanism for not wanting to deal with a difficult situation or topic) then try to just be amicable with her and ignore her if she tries to provoke you. Spent time with people and friends who make you feel good and the home situation with your sister may become less impactful in your life. Great to hear you're doing well in school and try to have hope and stay positive. Thoughts really do turn into things and if you surround yourself with happy people it will make everything seem better and go faster.

Good luck and hope that this helped a little bit :) xx (A)

I don't want her to move in

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Hi EMMAJN. Good to hear from you again and things have been better for you……until now. You are in the process of finding another reason why it is difficult to be a minor. You are a strong woman and you can weather this storm, also.

It would have been nice for your Nan and Dad to have asked your opinion regarding your older sister moving in with you but they don’t have to. It’s their home, their rules, and their decision, but you know that. You may not be able to keep this from happening, so make the best of it. Begin by understanding your Nan’s desire to love all her grandchildren and to treat them as equally as she can. She may be correct that your sister’s new environment may make a change in her and the way she treats you. Your Nan will also want you to be happy and will attempt to create the environment where both of you can coexist and be content and comfortable.

As with most conflicts, communication is critical. Have you attempted to talk with your sister about how you feel? Can you be specific about past issues and problems? Try to understand the reasons for past behaviors. Is there anything you can change to help foster a more caring relationship? Treating your sister with unconditional kindness may bring the results you are looking for. This will be difficult but often leads to the desired harmony you seek. Good luck, and let us know how it works out.

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