I can't get over his ex
First of all, I would like to apologize for my English, as I am not a native speaker and I am not completely fluent.
So..I don't know if this is the right place to share this problem, but I am hoping that the responses I get will help me at least a little.
A year ago I met with my current boyfriend and everything happened so fast with our relationship. In the beginning while we were still in the process of getting to know each other he kept on talking about his ex girlfriend..about everything. He would tell me how old is she, what is she doing with her life, what she used to do in a certain situation or another. Apparently, she hurt him a lot, she was his first girlfriend, first kiss, first sex, first everything. He met her through mutual friends, they were actually in the same group of friends and at first they were just friends nothing more. After a few months of taking about her so much I couldn't take it anymore, it made me feel so bad and it really hurt my feelings. I told him that one night, and I asked him to leave me alone because I thought that he is still not over her . We talked, he started crying, told me that this wasn't true and somehow we stayed together.
Despite the fact he stopped talking about her, her name was still mentioned everywhere by his friends and even mine. I wanted to know what exactly happened, so that my bf got so hurt and everyone seemed to know why. It turned out that they were going out for just a month, then she told him she didn't love him out of nowhere, she was telling him numorous reasons why they shouldn't be together. He was so hurt, he had a depression and couldn't stop thinking about her. Despite all the bad things she did to him, he still loved her and tried to contact her in every way possible and after a few months the started talking again and one night they kissed and slept together. The days after that everything was back to normal but then she stopped texting him and answering her phone with no reason. After a month the same thing happened again as they reunited and she left him again.
After a few months I met him and he still talked about her and I could tell that he was so hurt.. We have been together for a while, when one night at the club she saw him and desided to message him. She told him that ever since she couldn't stop dreaming of him and everything meant so much to her, he told her that she had a girlfriend and she said she would let him go, however he asked her to call him later, and she not only called him, but she went to his home to talk. I don't know what happened this night but he didn't tell me that, I learned it because I red his messages. He told me that he kept it a secret because otherwise I would leave him because of that. I was so hurt I knew that he might still have feelings for her..she was just so pretty,smart, they had a lot of things in common, a lot of mutual friends. I wasn't all that.
Me and my boyfriend are still together, but still, he is nervous when she is mentioned or ahe is around, or when the subject has to so anything with her.. I don't know what do do..I feel so bad, I cry everyday, I know what they had and it was so deep and don't know if he would ever go over her.. I hate him for that he kept on forgiving her after all the bad things she did, she treated him like a toy, but he still treats her well. All his friends know she is a whore, and I know it , but he doesn't...I just want him to talk freely about her, realize what she truly is,because everyone has exes and its normal.. but I am afraid he will never get over her.. (If you knew how she looked like,you would know why )
I am depressed, I love him so much, but this is killing me inside..I don't know what is the right thing ti do.
Your BF will never get it on properly with you while he's still connected to his ex. Until then, you have a choice as to try and be with a guy who is not 100% committed to you and the right thing (although not the easiest) which is to look out for yourself. You deserve to be happy and to be respected by your BF, but you need to ask yourself if this is possible given your current circumstances. Your BF basically can't expect anyone to be with him while he tries to get over his ex and he's pushing the proverbial uphill if he thinks he can be successful with you while he keeps things secretive about her from you.
There are three of you in this relationship.
This guy needs to decide where you are for him, what you mean to him.
He's so distracted that he can't pay attention to you. Don't accept this second place status.
He loves you, but I feel like the best thing for you to do is let him go, it's hard I know but it's not a relationship if he's not putting all his focus and love on you. He needs to be alone, and think who he really wants. If he can't let her go, maybe you guys went into the relationship too soon. I know you love him, but he's not being loyal. Respect yourself, you need better than that. It seems like he still has feelings for her, and the best thing in my opinion is to let him go and let him decide, take a break from him, let him think things. He can't be talking to her at all, he needs to cut all ties. Hope this helps.