I'm messed up and I don't know what to do
I'm currently an infotech 3rd year student. The first and second years seemed fine at first, but as i reached the third year, i flunked out. Now i'm so afraid about what my parents are about to tell me, because they are so proud of me. Thing is, my fear ate me and i decided to do something horrible. I lied to them. I lied that i'm still going to school and whatnot. I created fake documents as proof for that (which they never doubted). Weeks passed an my scholarship(the one which i lied to too), found out about my fiasco.
And now, I'm nothing but fucked up. I dont know what to do, and i'm afraid that i'm only one step away to killing myself.
Aw, sorry to felt that pressure friend. I have failed too and it's so hard to bounce back. But things can turn around for you. I wish you the best!
Hey…Hope you are still there
Good you reached out from the depths of fear and despair that have overtaken you. These are powerful emotions which often lead to the hopeless angst you experience where perspective is lost and problem solving shuts down.
You did not say much about what contributed to your failure, but to your credit in a misapplied way you did what may have felt like a pretty creative move to attempt to cover it up for a while.
If you are open to it, there may be some pretty important lessons to learn here, for which you have paid a heavy price, but hopefully better now as you have your life ahead of you. (1) Lies beget lies, and from that series of cover-ups emerges much shame and self-inflicted suffering. Maybe some momentary relief comes of it, but never lasting peace. (2) Living a life based on truth and doing the right thing can be quite difficult at times, but also very freeing.
What have you learned about yourself by going through this? Maybe talking to a professional counselor might help you gain some personal insights. You have a great opportunity to redefine your character and integrity as you move forward. We all make mistakes and have regrets, but these do not have to define us. Failure can be a friend if it creates opportunity for learning and self-improvement. Depends how you choose to handle it.
You did not mention if you have faith or spiritual references. Jesus knows us better than we know ourselves, and invites us to know Him in a very personal way. It is beyond comprehension how He is so loving and forgiving to us as we fumble through life, as He shows us the Way and Truth on how to live.
Would be interested in how you are doing at this time.