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So depressed and frustrated help!

Posted by
SOCONFUSED12345
on Jan 9 2018 at 18:01
Member since: 06 July 2017
Gender: Female
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category Been with same man for 5 years and during that time, always concerned about his financial judgement and lack of resources. We are in love BUT this issue seems to never get resolved. He lost his job (which didn't pay much) 7 months ago and just ran out of unemployment; now he can start to collect social security.

He realizes he needs another job even part time to make ends meet since he has only a modest amount of savings (which came from an inheritance) but he finally got a job a few months ago, and he gave it up because he said it was too hard to make money and he was waiting on a substitute teacher job which he believed he was getting; HOWEVER, he has a conviction for a money crime from several years ago so the school eventually turned him down. I suppose because of this and his age, getting a job is a real uphill battle. I've tried to help in any way I can; getting him to follow through on jobs and moving forward, but he is now applying to be a LYFT driver. I did research (which he didn't do and shared it with him, but he barely read it) and being a LYFT driver won't bring in too much money after expenses (about $10/hour). He says it's only temporary until he can get a better part time job to supplement his social security but he also says he doesn't want to work weekends, so I'm not sure what he'll make. I've already waited 7 months; I'm at the end of my rope; should I cut my losses? I can't see living with him unless he gets his act together but I don't want to give up if I'm being unreasonable. I have waited and waited to no avail.

What thoughts or advice can you offer?

Reply from
SARONNA
on Jan 9 2018 at 18:35
Member since: 30 January 2012
I think you have to get a job to support yourself & keep the focus on yourself. he's not there to support you with money
Reply from
TULOWITZ
on Jan 10 2018 at 18:21
- unregistered user
I think it’s a good thing that you are seeking advice about this problem in your relationship. I’m pretty sure if you ask most couples, money will be their number 1 bone of contention. Your seeking advice tells me that you do want to see your relationship with this guy work. Have you evaluated your true feelings for him? Is it more important to you that you are with him, or that he makes enough money to keep things going? I feel it’s important for you to evaluate how you feel about him. That will give you your answer. If staying with him is more important, you will continue to help him to find a suitable job. If making money is more important, you might want to cut your losses. Before you make any hasty arrangements, think about your importance in his life. It sounds to me like he really needs you. Try to talk to him about your relationship and see how important it is to him. It’s not easy to put our frustrations aside, but I feel that you need to in order to see what you want for your future. If you are a praying woman, you should ask God to give you wisdom. Since I am a praying woman, I’ll be praying for you on this end. Blessings to you!
Reply from
SOCONFUSED12345
on Jan 11 2018 at 17:02
Member since: 06 July 2017
Gender: Female
thank you!
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 12 2018 at 14:10
Member since: 27 December 2013
Apparently this man is satisfied with living on his SS, and not really motivated to get any kind of job to supplement his income, even though there are a lot of part-time jobs for older adults who don't want full time or benefits.

Is that enough for you?

This is not just about money, this is about his activity level and his priorities and his wish to have extra money to spend on your relationship.

(Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not someone you have to take care of - unless of course, YOU can be the $$ person and you enjoy his other qualities.)

Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Jan 14 2018 at 05:56
Member since: 19 August 2014
Country: United Kingdom
What impact does this tend to have on your own finances, SC12345? If you're living separately, still (good...keep it that way until it's safe to proceed) - who pays for what dating and peripheral-life-sharing expenses (e.g. in a food or other shop together, the other low on cash)?