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Should he say something or should i?

Posted by
KITTYKAT2700
on Jan 10 2018 at 18:31
Member since: 10 January 2018
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category I could use some quick advice and I’ll try to make this a short as possible. A few years before my hubs and I got married he had a “one month” fling with a woman who lives up the street from where we live. From what I’ve “been told,” they never slept together again after that. He is a residential contractor who installed her septic system and when she didn’t have the money to pay for it, he allowed her to pay as she could and I guess she fell for him and they wound up hitting the sack a couple times. When I found out about it, I really didn’t care because it was “the past,” but it turned out it wasn’t exactly over.... The story was that after their fling, my husband wasn’t looking for anything and she kept pressuring him to be with her....very persistently. He wound up blocking her on his phone for some time until he decided he was ready to play the field again. Shortly after we got married he’d asked me to clear out his old phone so we could give it back to Sprint and I came across some not so old, (but before we were married) text messages with her. He’d been extremely flirtatious and almost misleading. He’d sent her pictures of flowers, made comments about her “nice legs,” etc. I was very upset with him, and concerned when she called him shortly after to come over and fix the plumbing in a house she was selling. He’s not a plumber anyway. He asked me to go with him, which was a relief, but I could tell she didn’t like it. We both got a funny vibe from her. Anyways we didn’t hear much from her after that, but my husband had told me that he’d agreed to plow her driveway when it snows (20 times ) because she’d made him curtains and pillows when they were talking before we were dating. I told him to forget that shit. He’d paid for the materials and offered to pay her for the work but she wouldn’t accept that because she wanted to see him. I told him we’d give back the god damn pillows if it came down to it. Anyways, he agreed to forget about it and I honestly forgot about her...except for the fact that she still continued to constantly like and comment on his facebook business page...even after we ignored her comments. What she doesn’t know is he asked me to manage his page so I see everything. It kinda bugged me but I let it go. This is just some more background info, but the summer before we became a couple, my hub’s back went out and she took care of him for weeks until he was able to take care of himself. My husbands daughter told me she came over to help and Mary wanted her out of the picture...easy to see why. Anyways, he and I decided to attend a family member’s school play not too long ago and I saw her standing against the wall in front of us. I didn’t pay any attention to her and neither did my hubs, but afterward his son came up to us and goes, “did you see who was here?! Man she was glaring at you two.” From that, I figured that she wasn’t over it although I really didn’t expect to hear from her again except for on his fb business page. After seeing more comments come through, I decided to add her on my page so that I could throw it in her face that he’s a HAPPILY married man. I fear I only fed the fire. We’ve had cold weather for a while and everybody’s pipes are freezing around us. Many of our neighbors have called my husband and she was one of them, but I let it go because everyone was having issues. He told her and them that there’s nothing he can do about it and to just wrap insulation around them and let them thaw out. A day goes by and she calls again and she asks him to come look at it. He and I went over to look at it while she wasn’t home and after we leave (because there’s nothing we can do without cutting and replacing pipe) he gets a text...”I’m home.” She wanted him over while she was there. My husband told her neighbor to tell her the consensus to avoid calling her but I guess she didn’t like that so she called him anyway. Again, he tells her there’s nothing I can do, and she goes, “well, I might just have to keep calling you. Sorry, but I’m gonna have to keep calling you if they’re still froze.” At this point I was thoroughly pissed and I told my hubs she was doing it on purpose because she wants to talk to him but he didn’t want to hear it because he doesn’t like confrontation. So I went on facebook and posted a quote,

“there’s plenty of fish in the sea so stay the ——— away from my fish.” I KNOW she saw it because she likes all my pics of him, and sure enough she calls again that night. I think she took it as a challenge. My husband comes to me and goes, “I think you were right.” No kidding. So anyways, this has been eating at me and I think I want him to tell her to call someone else to fix it because “he’s too busy,” but he doesn’t want to do that and wants to “handle it delicately.” I’m not okay with it because I know he’ll continue to fix her stuff and won’t say anything. So should he be the one to step up and tell her no or should I say something to her or just let it go?

Reply from
MERCI
on Jan 13 2018 at 01:01
Member since: 29 July 2017
First of all, I’m glad you kept your story short. Second: it takes a special wife trusting her husband, when his business could find him in compromising situations. And the fact that you are willing to let go of the past is simply an act of love.

But, it also takes a special husband to know when a business transaction has been compromised to the point that his wife is uncomfortable with the constant harassment from this other woman. As a wife of many years, I can spot a woman who is trying to get my husbands attention in the wrong way. Unfortunately, some husbands are either clueless, or they enjoy the flirtation.

The fact that this woman did have a sexual relationship with your husband in the past and she doesn’t seem to care that he is now happily married, is cause for concern. I would hope and pray your husband out of love & respect for your feelings would END any more business dealings with this woman.

I’m sending you a link to a marriage site to help you and your husband get counseling, if this woman doesn’t take the hint and look for another serviceman to help her with any future repairs.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/the-love-and-respect-principle/learning-about-love-and-respect

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