I have been with my husband for 12 years and married for 4.
I don't know how to deal with this as I am so hurt. I have a good relationship with all his children (after a very messy start). How can I get past being hurt and try to look forward to and enjoy the day. I totally understand that the couple have the right to organise their wedding in the way they want and I wouldn't want to change that. I'm also not trying to oust the mother in her role. But I just want to be acknowledged and included.
Also, it matters, did the children live with you and a husband for 12 years that you were with your husband? or they lived with their mother? Because that can also explain a lot.
You said your relationship is good with them, it can also be your perception of the situation.
Now how you can deal with hurt? Again depending on above questions, and if you do have a good relationship with them, you can talk with the first son, who's wedding you had attended previously. You can meet them and ask them, in the wedding, why the situation was the way it was? You have to tell them why, you have to tell them how it made you feel, and because you love them as your own children, and so forth. Ask them the reason you are asking because you want to find out so you can understand the upcoming second wedding. You can ask them how they see you, and have a clear cut conversation with them. That is truly a good relationship, if you feel like you can't do that, then maybe you don't have a good relationship with them as you thought you did.
Unless you talk to them and understand the reasons of their actions, you won't be able to release the pain. Because from third point of view, they are being disrespectful, and distant, and their actions are very inconsiderate, they didn't even discuss this will happen, shows how much they don't think about you, which means , you don't have a great relationship as you think you do.
You need to find out the reasons of their actions, and find out how they truly feel about you, and what are their thoughts of you, heal the relationship and then you can go from there .
If you want more advice about this situation you can send me more info about it, please look above about my questions, and i can provide detailed advice.
Hope you work things out, please let me know how it goes.
Annika Geshe. annikageshe.com
I assumed I was treated the way I was at the first wedding because I was not then married to my husband. I made allowances for that but it still hurt as we had been together about 9 years.
My thinking at the moment is that I will get my husband to speak to his son again (he's raised the issue once and left it very inconclusive) and if nothing has changed I will email my daughter-in-law to be (they live overseas which makes it more difficult) and ask how they are planning to deal with the whole step-parent issue. To be honest I am also coming round to the idea that I just won't go to the wedding. I can protect myself from any further hurt and humiliation on the day!
That's what I would expect. You are a unit now and need to be treated that way.
Why can't he stand up to them?
Maybe it’s time to re evaluate this relationship and see if you really hold value to him. If you are estranged from This family and you still love him and want t make this work yet he doesn’t want to include you or stand up for you, then maybe he needs to send you on vacation with your girlfriends during times like these and you have no choice but to try and not think About it but rather just the positive things.
I've spoken with my husband and said it would be better if I didn't go (I would find it totally humiliating) and he said that he wouldn't go either. It's a no win. If he doesn't go the fall out in the family will be with us forever. If he does go without me, the fallout in our marriage will be disastrous. I just don't know how to deal with his