on Jan 16 2018 at 08:25
If a person asks for a lot of favours,turns up unannounced,threatens to break friends with you for not answering the phone and the moment you have a go at them they say that they were as nice as pie to you,need some space and point out all your bad traits,would you say that they have used you to some degree? I am unsure
on Jan 16 2018 at 18:49
Trust your own instincts.
If you FEEL used, then you probably are.
Friends should lift you up, nurture you, and compliment you. And you should do that in return. It often gets lopsided.
on Jan 18 2018 at 10:46
Thanks for your reply. It felt like that quite often,only I was too stupid to see it. I fell out with them,apologized. They said they wanted space. Every few weeks I apologized. Tit for tat ensued. I left it for a few months then offered to meet up to sort it bit to no avail. I apologized a few weeks later,then a few weeks later. They text me to say that they didn't want to be my friend, that I was hard work at the best of times. Tit for tat ensued and I said goodbye. They called the cops on me. I should've just left it. Since being on an assertive,if someone is bugging me I sit down and speak to them before it gets to that stage.
on Jan 19 2018 at 02:52
A friend is someone who is concerned about your wellbeing too. My heart breaks to hear how this friend seemed to be abusing your friendship. I’m hoping in your future you’ll be able to recognize a true friend from someone who uses and then moves on.
Please be grateful that your eyes have been opened and I’ll be praying for you to stay strong and not be tempted to slip back into a bad relationship. I’m sending you a link to help you get through this tough time in your life.
on Jan 19 2018 at 09:46
Thank you so much for your reply. Since being on an assertive course i realize that it's okay to set clear,firm boundaries and to reassert them if needs be. That it is okay to say no. That you can change your mind if you give enough warning(which I did) and not feel bad about it. I now sit down and discuss or talk over the phone to a friend if i feel that my needs are being ignored or that they are guilt tripping me over something. If they have a go at me then i calmly reassert my boundary. I have found this to be very useful. I had to say it twice last year to one friend. At first i thought they understood but then they had a go at me again. I regonised it as guilt tripping so i reasserted that boundary that I had set. I feel so much more able to communicate my feelings better without blowing. I think through what I am going to say before hand and I stick to the topic of conversation that is being spoken about. I don't do tit for that. I only wish that the course had come a lot sooner and I wouldn't have gotten myself into that situation. They also said that they were "As nice as pie to me." Thank you for the link,I'll check it out.
on Jan 19 2018 at 23:14
I’m excited for you and hopeful for your future friendships. This link has helped me personally in many relationships. If you try this link, I’d love to hear back from you and get your opinion if it was helpful. Take care and blessings from above.