How can I fix my marriage after this?
So I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years total, recently married and we just had our first child. There hasn’t been any issues in our relationship that I know of. We got really drunk one night and had a girl friend of mine come back to our house. Due to drinking so much we blacked out. My husband had went to bed earlier after an argument.
Apparently he walked in on my hand in her pants. I’ve never done anything like this and I’m not even attracted to women. Over night my entire world has been flipped upside down. Im so terrified I’m going to lose my family over something I didn’t even know I was doing. I still don’t even remember anything from that night. I need to fix this, we talked and he’s just so hurt that I betrayed him. I understand why he is mad but I want him to be able to get past this so we can get still have our family and life together. I love him so much and I would never intentionally hurt him.
I haven’t been able to eat or sleep and I just cry because I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, my soulmate. I just don’t know how to fix things, I also don’t know what to do to keep my mind off of the whole thing. I’m a stay at home mom so I never go anywhere, how can I stop thinking about this? How can I make him realize I’m so sorry? I can’t lose him.
Maybe she wasn't as drunk as you. Are you sure she didn't place your hand there?
Why the argument with husband? Someone trying to get rid of him?
Is she saying anything about this?
As you can see, perhaps you got "set up"
If you two can't work this out, go to marriage counseling. You can't make yourself sick over this.
Maybe you have to accept the fact that you messed up by putting yourself in that situation. Accept the fact and learn from this-don’t get drunk (buzzed maybe) but not drunk where you don’t remember what you’re doing. Repent and accept the fact and pray that your husband will want to work through this, but if he doesn’t then you can’t control how he feels and you’ll have to move on and do what’s best for yourself and family. But if your husband wants to work this out , then you’ll have to reassure him, it won’t happen again and you will have to cut off ties with that “girl friend” of yours and not get drunk. Show him what your willing to sacrifice for your family and maybe he’ll cave. But if not, This experience will change your life—-you can make this a learning experience.
We have all made mistakes that are regrettable and appear irreconcilable. All are regrettable but most can be made right again. Having known your husband for 10 years now, has blessed you with the ability to communicate with him with trust, confidence, and love.
I wish all conflicts had those essentials. So with that in mind, let’s focus on your communication to “fix this”.
Besides the above referenced essentials in your talk with your husband, let’s add honesty. Your husband deserves it. This may take some self-reflection, also. Ask yourself if there are any bi-sexual inclinations. How attractive emotionally, physically, and intellectually do you find your girlfriend? How does she imagine you? Do you know? Perhaps the dialogue should include your girlfriend. If all these issues seem appalling, than that may be just what your husband needs to hear. If not, he needs and deserves to know that, also. From there you can focus on where you go, with our help, I hope.
Although not the center of this behavior, your husband will need to be forgiving to save this relationship. That may be very difficult for him initially but may be the resolution you seek. If you would like to know what that means from him, please let me know. It is a difficult path but a necessary one.
Please tell us how this works out.
I had a similar situation. I got very drunk one night and asked to play with someone's breasts at a party.in front of friends and neighbours. The next morning I was distraught. My husband was disgusted. I rang the woman to apologise. She called me names I deservedto . I hated myself. Eventually the woman spoke to me and accepted I was drunk and my marriage was in a bad place. We are now friends. My husband couldn't deal with it and never accepted my explanations that I was drunk and very unhappy. Our relationship failed but looking back I know this was a cry for help