Now is a bit different though. We have been living together for the past 3 years so if we were to break up it would change both of our lives completely. Mine much more than his seeing that I dont have a vehicle at the moment so I wouldn't have a way back and forth to work. I've been trying to save up for a car but his check has been short and he just recently got a semi good paying job after having a crappy job for two years. Thats not why ive been staying with him though. I'm just stating how different our lives would be. Ive been debating staying with him or leaving him for a long time now.
Sometimes I'm so happy and I feel like hes the one I want to spend my life with and then I go back to not wanting to be with him at all. I'm just so confused. I don't want to end it and that may be the worst mistake ever because maybe he is the one I'm suppose to be with. I know I'm young but its not like he does anything too bad in our relationship, I just cant help the way I feel. ive tried to change the way I feel so many times and I always talk to him and tell him my problems and sometimes he may start doing things a little different but then other times nothing at all changes and he acts like he couldn't care less about what I'm saying. he tells me alot that he doesnt wanna talk about things or we aint gotta do all that is his favorite thing to say.
Now, getting to the please dont judge me part. Ive cheated on him before in the past and now. Its only been for sex only. I enjoy sex with my boyfriend but I was dissatisfied just about our entire relationship. It took me almost 5 years with him to finally have a vaginal orgasm. Sex has gotten better with him now its still so hard for him to last long enough and he hardly ever wants to have sex. I'm ready all the time. With him, he wants it about once or twice a week and I'm young and so is he. hes only 22. I wanna be enjoying life now and we should be having sex all the time. We dont have kids so we have all the time in the world to enjoy eachother now but sometimes he acts like sex is a chore. He doesnt make me feel too wanted.
Im just so confused. I don't wanna lose the love of my life but i also don't wanna end up being unhappy for the rest of my life. My decision also has a lot to do with him. I don't wanna hold him back from maybe finding the love of his life niether. someone that can truly love him the way that I want to but he doesnt deserve to be cheated on because he is a loyal guy. ive never doubted that. I just dont know what to do or how to go about doing anything. Any advice is very appreciated. please nothing negative or mean.
I would end it for a year or two. I would be honest about why. I would go out with other people while you still can and if he finds someone else than God bless him. If you get back together neither of you will be the same, but at least you will know why you are there. If you find someone you want to be with - than God bless you.
Remember that everyone every place and every time is different. No one will be the have the same qualities you loved in him, but they will have other ones of their own. It is just a matter of what you want in this life.
You have spent important years (17 thru 22) with one person and it sounds like the relationship revolved around him and his education and needs.
Now - At 22, you are now getting restless. You have been thinking about this for " a long time" you said.
He now has a good job. He's going to be alright.
It is you who needs to find yourself. You are done bringing him up. Find the independent woman in yourself.