Breaking up is more complicated the second time around

Posted by
ALF
on Jan 20 2018 at 19:07
Member since: 20 January 2018
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category Hi,

I was dating this girl for 4 years but about 3 months ago I tried breaking up with her. The emphasis on tried, I broke up with her but she took it so badly that to stop her tears I said we could work on the relationship.

Its now at a point where I’m getting feelings for someone else and I can’t carry on pretending that I’m working on the relationship with my ex to be.

I just can’t try again knowing that she’s going to cry because I still see her as one of my best friends and I really don’t want to hurt her.

Advice?

Reply from
BUNNYHABIT
on Jan 20 2018 at 20:11
Member since: 23 May 2017
it is seldom easy to dump a lover unless they did something nasty like cheating or abusing you physically or emotionally. but people change over time and find someone else more romantically stimulating.

do you know anyone that likes your current woman. best way to ease out of a relationship is for both partners to find someone new. perhaps you can match up someone new with her. another way is to be mean and demanding with her to the point she reduces her feelings for you to the point dumping will be easier without tears.

other than these options your going have to man up and be aggressive in the need for a change in who you love. the tears will go away in a shorter time than suffering with someone you are no longer romantically stimulated by.

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 20 2018 at 21:12
Member since: 27 December 2013
Well no, don't ever be mean or demanding - to anyone!! Bunny, please!!

Right now she's with someone who doesn't love her--- don't you think she already knows that ? I bet this is not going to unexpected to her.

Know that she Is going to be upset and she WON'T be a friend anymore, because that's what happens when people break up.

It's too bad that this is because of another person. It would be so much better if you needed to be have some time and space to grow and figure out what you want to do. Take a breather and self-check your needs and actions.

Reply from
BUNNYHABIT
on Jan 20 2018 at 22:00
Member since: 23 May 2017
@susiedqq he already has a new girl targeted. i only gave him all possible options i could think of.

i prefer he selects my first suggestion to hook her up with another guy to ease the break up pain. I think wrong to suppress any options i think of. is his choice to make not mine.

Reply from
ALF
on Jan 20 2018 at 22:39
Member since: 20 January 2018
I would love to be able to set her up with someone but an added complication is that she lives about 1 hours drive away and I know nobody over her direction
Reply from
BUNNYHABIT
on Jan 20 2018 at 22:51
Member since: 23 May 2017
many guys would drive for an hour to hook up. too bad as that would make things easier. perhaps you can query her on other male friends she likes or speaks to often to get a lead on who to match make with her?

breaking up with someone is never a enjoyable task. i have done it many times and never looked forward to doing it and it never gets better no matter how many times you do it.

Reply from
ALF
on Jan 21 2018 at 00:15
Member since: 20 January 2018
She’s an introvert and talks to me and work colleagues and that’s about it. Another reason I wanted to remain friends is so she’s not completely alone.
Reply from
BUNNYHABIT
on Jan 21 2018 at 00:36
Member since: 23 May 2017
i think that is impossible based on my experiences with ex's and your and her situation

but i wish you good luck in attempting to do so.

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jan 21 2018 at 20:19
Member since: 27 December 2013
Is this an internet "relationship" you had, or did you actually date her, in person? So it's long-distance now?

And your NEW (potential) relationship, is it in-person, or a LDR?

Breaking up is hard to do, but it's done every day. Just start reducing the number of times you talk to her.

I don't think a "I'm no longer interested, but here's another guy for you" ploy is a good idea. It is demeaning and presumptuous and let's her know you don't think she can find another suitable guy herself.

Reply from
ALF
on Jan 22 2018 at 10:57
Member since: 20 January 2018
It was an in person relationship..... she moved for work about a year ago. And the new possible relationship is in person and it takes 35 minutes to see her.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?