My brother doesn't talk to me any more
I live at home with my mother and one brother. I'm female in my 30s. My brother is 26.
We used to get on well. Some nights we would sit up and have some drinks together and chat. Not anymore.
The past year things have changed so much.
The main issue is that there is zero conversation from him. I first noticed something early last year. I was getting ready to go out and he was in the kitchen with my mother. He didn't talk or ask me anything about me going out. I didn't think anything of it. Only it continued over the following few months. Zero conversation from him. I thought maybe work stress or whatever could be at play but it has gone on for far too long for work to be a reason.
I tried to speak/talk to him many times but any attempt at speaking was usually met with a grunt. A one word grunt or bark before fleeing back to his room.
There's been many opportunities for him to speak/talk to me. Like for example, my boyfriend took me away some weekends. He could have asked me how my weekend away was or how was the town we visited. I got sick another time and he didn't even ask me how I was. Theres been so many opportunities for him to talk to me.
Back in September, he went away for a weekend with his girlfriend. When he came back and I asked him about his weekend and I got a one word reply. 'Do you have any pictures, I asked him. 'I'll show you again' he said. He didn't.
My presence on Facebook is limited. My boyfriend put up a fantastic picture of us two and he tagged me. It was big news on Facebook at the time because I was like Bridget Jones for a long time. So many people liked it. My brother didn't even press a like button. Theres zero interaction on Facebook from him too.
I can't think of any row we had for him to be like this.
Needless to say, this is breaking my heart. He's just so cold.
I know people grow up and lead their own lives, meet a partner, etc but for things to grow apart into nothing.
Something very upsetting surfaced to him about you for this drastic change in your relationship if it only happened to you. if he was doing this to others it would indicate a mental event in his life.
Have you discussed with your mother to have her investigate this change with him for the root cause since he seems to be communicating with her from your comment "he was in the kitchen with my mother". Have you spoken to any of his friends to see if they noticed any personality changes in him or comments about you?
Something traumatic a year ago occurred that you need to know.
The Silent treatment is the worst! You sense something is wrong, but you don’t want to sound too pushy. And you mentioned him “fleeing to his room”.
There could be so many different reasons for his distance.
For example: my preschool daughter would not look at me for nearly, a week and it was driving me crazy. (So, I feel your frustration!) Finally, she broke down and told me, she had a bad dream and called out for me to help her. And I turned into the monster. SCARY
Of course, your relationship with your brother is much more mature, but it could be nothing you are doing wrong.
A couple questions: How long has he had his girlfriend and what kind of relationship do you have with her? Could she be jealous of you or your time with your brother? Just a thought?
I’m sending you a eye opening link on communication. I'd love to hear how your story turns out and if the link was at all helpful?
The link above has changed and seems harder to find the quiz that teaches the Five love languages to use on all relationships. But is focusing more on couples. The link below focus on all relationship.