Married 17 yrs, need a unbiased and independent view - which one is correct?
I am excited to post this today, first time I post, I am hoping to get an independent and unbiased view from you.
Here are the facts: marrried 17 yrs, 3 kids, 10,13,15. Wife works normal 9 hr a day job. I have my own company, work from home over 60 hrs per week, pretty intense and lots of responsibilities.
I think I do a lot for the family and the home – things only I do – I take care of all bills and finances, pool, patio, outside, deal w garbage, wake up kids and take care of AM duties, get kids ready for bed, clothes for next day, empty dishwasher, clean kitchen
Things we both do – prepare lunches for school,
Things wife does – dinner (I do one per week sometimes, we each out 2-3 times per week), helps w homework (not that much any more), teacher conferences
We both do a lot, but I think I do more than most husbands, especially since I work from home. It seems I never take a break
Main Issue – Biking - I have been biking since before we met. I have never slowed down. I bike one weekend day per week, mainly Sunday. I leave at 7 am and get back around 10:30 to 11 or so. I also bike outside or on a spin bike 2 to 3 times per week during the week either before anyone wakes up or after I take the kids to the bus while my wife is at work. By the way, she goes to an exercise class 2 times per week while I deal w the kids in the morning.
I also race. My wife hates it that I am committed to a racing team and my schedule and that I will not cancel a race for a kids soccer game or other family activities. Races are on Sunday’s usually local. I will come home a bit later, 1 pm or so. All of my buddies do a race and then rest the rest of the day, I come home and pick up w the family right away.
Last weekend, she knew I had a bike race and she organized a 3 day trip to the theme parks. I told her was not going to go. She was upset that I put biking first and did not cancel the race to go w the family.
I do not want to give up my biking because it is my only physical and mental outlet. All I pretty much do is spend time w kids and family, work, sleep and bike.
Should she lay off my biking and be happy that I do a lot for her and kids and give me a bit of space for me to bike or should I stop being so committed to biking and give even more to the kids and the family?
Thanks so much!
Your family is not unusual in that a lot of activities are jammed into the weekend days. Once in a while, something's going to conflict with something else.
The trip to the theme park sounded very special and under very unique circumstances. IMHO, just this Once, your Race should have taken a back seat to this event.
BTW: all this has NOTHING to do with your household duties and who- does- what around the house.
“And the winner is…husband, wife, children, family.” You truly deserve a medal and countless accolades for all the dedicated, conscientious, and responsible work you do. For as long as you have been doing this, you might well deserve a break.
Scorecards and comparisons appear to be important to you. I believe you make a valid point that might do more than most husbands.
I did not catch what drives you to do this? Is it your wedding vows? Are you a workaholic? Are you by nature a responsible, caretaking, and supportive man?
On what level do you want to be recognized? The scorecard or what is in your heart? Where we put the emphasis can make all the difference in how we look at things and how we feel about what we do.
Do you have a faith reference that might help you with this? Having a relationship with Jesus can paradoxically reframe everything you are doing into an act of LOVE, obedience, and gratitude for all these wonderful opportunities to serve your family. Then everybody wins. Jesus invites us to bring our issues and stresses to HIM who understands what it is like to be on a mission, carry a burden.
I would welcome the opportunity to help you with this.