At what point do financial lies become a deal breaker
If you have a loving relationship (for several years) but bf has issues with the truth when it comes to money, do you give him a 2nd chance, a 3rd chance, etc.? I have been proactive in verifying the truth and in most cases, have learned he is either really slanting the truth or outright lying. I really love him and I do believe he really loves me to his core BUT do I really have a future with him (i.e., living together)? In the last lie, he was using funds which technically he is authorized to use, but doesn’t belong to him for something which wasn’t a necessity and he isn’t paying that bill. I asked him about it and he said it was debited from his own account; when I asked for clarification (because I knew it wasn’t debited), he now wants to see me and tell me how he “made it right” and the truth must prevail because our relationship is worth it; and that he is and will be the man “I want him to be” and give me love and security the rest of my life. I am a forgiving person and I really love him, but how long do I let this go on???
I need to add something as well: I’ve known him for 30 years and he seemed like a good guy and he has a really good family and friends BUT he was convicted of money crime 7 years ago; should this change my decision? Is he really just a fraud??
I’m really sorry, but I think you need to write this guy off. I’ve worked in financial services for nearly 15 years and I’ve seen how a partner who is irresponsible, or who makes mistakes, with money can have deep, long lasting effects on a person. I’ve seen people trying to buy houses who have wasted years saving money, searching for properties and even spending money on advisors and reservations, because it turned out their partners were hiding money problems and/or had terrible credit (which can rub off on you as associated credit if you have joint accounts/addresses/credit applications). If this guy has money related convictions then this can be a major red flag for lenders and credit scoring agencies. Can you really trust him to provide you with security? What if his dodgy dealings lead you to losing your car or your home? If you have/want kids then you’d be putting them in that firing line too. Sorry, but it’s way too big a risk to take on someone who has a proven track record of dishonesty which he hasn’t deviated from, despite being given several chances by you. And just to reiterate: you do not play with money; his actions could potentially negatively impact you FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, even if you break up with him. I’d recommend getting clear of him before he ruins your life and future.
Putting the money issue aside, you can’t (and quite rightly don’t) trust him. Love without trust is doomed to die. He’s repeatedly lied to you for years and hasn’t changed his ways. It sounds like he’s very good at saying the right things to get you to stay with him, but his actions betray his words.
I need to add something to my post that happened the other day.
He admits he used his moms credit card for the 2 dinners I questioned and then showed me a deposit slip in which he put his money in her account. He said people are different about money and he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong. He then started on me about guys I’ve dated during a prior breakup and how I lied about not seeing one of them anymore. This isn’t really true and whatever I did I told him and apologized. Do 2 wrings make a right? He keeps on saying we are starting fresh and no more lies but he’s lied to me so many times about his finances. He admits he does it to “keep me”. Even if he says he will be truthful moving forward will that really happen? It reminds me of a drunk who promises to stop after getting caught over and over.
You should not be with him bc if you hang around people that do bad in this world and this world will also do bad to you and him—-in other words
What you give to the world, the world will give back to you no matter what intention you have, whether it’s good or bad, all that matters is that when you hurt someone else, it’ll come back to you.
When you or him start doing things that are right (not lying, using, or hurting others) then the universe will change for you for the better.