Now a day doesn't go by where he is not criticizing me. He holds every little mistake against me.
For example yesterday morning I made him breakfast, I stared it right when we got up, but it took me too long cuz I had to wash a pan before I cooked, so he criticized me for taking forever and was so mad he refused to eat, fed it to the dogs, and then went the whole rest of the day without speaking to me.
He tells me I'm stupid and insults my intelligence a few times a day. And when I stick up for myself he throws breaking up with me in my face and holds it over my head. He tells me it's either his way or no way and if I don't like it I should just leave. I have been sleeping on the couch for 2 years because he said sleeping next to me makes him miserable cuz he can't spread out and roll over like he wants to.
He told me he doesn't believe in marriage after years of being together, and told me he would never have kids with me because I have horrible genes, cuz I got sick from kidney stones. When I asked him about our future together he told me he doesn't think any man should be stuck with the same women for the rest of their lives. But when I brought it back up he got mad at me and said I can remember he said that but I can't even remember what I wore yesterday.
He wants me to work but gets mad when I get home late and he has to wait for dinner. And he gets mad that sometimes I don't have time during the week to clean everything to perfection. So if my house gets a little messy the days I work he tells me I'm a lazy slob. And I spend days in the doghouse. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. I'm so afraid to be myself , cuz I'm afraid it will just annoy him, and cause issues.
I feel he just expects me to be perfect and obedient in every way and not have any opinions of my own. I've giving him 9 devoted years, and that's a huge chunk of time out of my life. I don't want to give up on my relationship. I'm just lost. I love him so much but sometimes when he's constantly mean i question my own sanity. We have had some good times and he's taught me a lot in this life that I will always appreciate. I feel anymore we have more bad days then good, and I feel like he doesn't see me as a human being.
Why not? You don't have a relationship - this is a boxing match!
Do you see - from your description of his behavior - that he is an abuser? Psychologically, mentally, emotionally?
This guy has an abusive, belligerent personality and men like that look for lonely, needy, nice women to make their victim and to put up with their antics.
You seem under stress and unhappy. Can you find a counselor to talk to about this relationship that brings you down?
You really do deserve better than having to walk on eggshells; that's not love, at all.