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Dealing with in laws - help needed

Posted by
STRUGGLING.WIFR
on Jan 27 2018 at 03:30
Member since: 27 January 2018
Other advice forum category advice forum category Good day. I would just like to conduct a survey mostly for married couples living on their own.

How often do you or your partner speak and see your family (parents/siblings/ etc)?

My husband cant stop talking to his family almost everyday and keeps going to his moms place almost every weekend. It may not be a big deal for some but even when we would live together before getting married, thats how he has always been. He assured me that things would change once we get married but it hasnt. I dont feel like we're married. It feels more like he's just playing house. Just asking for some insights. Thanks.

Reply from
ALTREAL
on Feb 11 2018 at 05:52
Member since: 20 August 2015
Gender: Male
Usually I talk to my parents one or two times a week, and every now and then I might not talk to them for a little more than a week. When I have a lot of days off I am more likely to check in with them multiple days in a week.

I'm not in a relationship, but I think it was pretty similar when I was.

The thing is, I feel like it shouldn't necessarily be a bad thing for your husband to be close with his family. There was a show on TV called "Everybody Loves Raymond", about a guy who was really close to his parents and lived next door to them. I think that is a pretty extreme example, and I can see where it would be difficult for the wife to deal with that. But at the same time, Raymond and his wife made it work. Your life with your partner should be its own thing, but some couples seem to be able to manage just fine even if one or both of the partners are close with their family.

When I was a kid, I feel like my mother always kind of pulled our immediate family more towards her side of the family. We always spent time visiting my grandmother and aunts and uncles on my mom's side, and spent less and less time associating with my dad's side of the family. I don't think that's necessarily fair either.

And for some reason there seems to this thing where, whenever a man dates any woman, automatically the woman and the man's mother don't get along. I don't get it, but it happens often.

One girl I knew a couple of years ago is Italian, and I guess she has a very big family. She spends most of her free time with her family, to the point where she would rather hang out with family than go spend an hour or two with some people from work or whatever. For some people, family comes first - always.

Just some things to consider, that's all. You want to be fair about it.

I don't think it's fair that he told you the situation would improve when it hasn't. Maybe it's time to touch base with him again, and make it be known that you expected a more "grown-up" living situation independent of his family.