His perception is different from yours and probably has been all this time. He feels HE has been the accommodating spouse! Now he says HE's not getting his needs met.
If you still love this man, get into marriage counseling to figure out how you are going to go forward as a couple or how each of you will learn the value of one another.
(You don't mention children. Any kids?)
if you are really resenting this and you've had 11 years of it building up so no wonder you wanna explode, i feel for you, i really do. if you don't love him then get out and leave for good. you have give 11 good years of your life and you wont get them back again!!!
there are LOTS OF GOOD MEN WHO ARE KIND< RESPECTFUL AND WILL LOVE YOU AS AN EQUAL AS A PERSON AND IN A MATURE CARING NON ABUSIVE WAY.
if you can get a holiday go on one with a friend or family member and just start living again!!! you must find yourself again if you are ever to be happy again (with him or without him). I personally think you are better without him. for the first time you are showing you are strong. if he cant change or wont change and so far he hasn't been able to (so why will year 12 or 13 0r 30 be any different?
do yourself and your self-esteem a BIG FAVOUR AND START AGAIN. its never too late to find real love!
take care and find a real man who knows what love and respect are and that even is bothered enough to respect himself let alone a partner!!! you can do so much better than this and you DESERVE BETTER THAN 5 more years of emptiness and control and wasted time. LIVE YOUR LIFE AND LEARN TO LOVE AND LAUGH AGAIN - Life really is just too short to waste it on people like this.
Counseling would be a good idea as mentioned above
Your mentioned your husband thinks “he does nothing for himself?”
And you are finally, finding yourself again.
I challenge you two to get marriage counseling. And the reason I mention counseling, is because if you two can’t figure out how to make this relationship work, you could bring these same problems into a new relationship. You are a very passive person and your husband seems very aggressive. You two need each other to learn how to come together in the middle.
New relationship? I have so many female friends who have been looking for decades for a decent guy and wish they had a husband like mine. (my husband and I don’t have a perfect marriage). So, how would you feel, if your husband started dating other women? Once you open this up, you may not be able to go back.
Ask your husband if he’s willing to START over and challenge him to “Go and do something for himself!”
And you too! Call a family member and go out to a movie or dinner. And both come home and share what you did for yourselves. But, let your husband know that you are willing to spend time with him too, but only without guilt or jealously. If he can not give you your freedom, then you need to get some counseling and I’m sending you a link. And please let me know how things work out for you and your husband.
you need to also ask yourself about how long are you, or would you be prepared to go to counselling in order to talk things through and then wait for months and months later for him to change: i feel a bit worried that you have had someone promising to change for you before and he didnt, what will make it any different if he isnt trying hard enough to change things for you and himself.
counselling is fine and so is therapy, but it wont change much unless he actually will take the problems you have together seriously and is willing to talk and put things right. he is good at talking, but youve had 11 years of someone talking himself up instead of wanting to take the relationship to the next level and doing a little growing up.
at the moment it sounds as though you have done all the work and you sound fed up with this.
maybe you need to change your time to not include him for a while, if you take a break from him it will force you to look at this more clearly and if you miss him and are willing to give it and him another chance then you will be stronger and he may value you more not keep taking you for granted.
time away will allow both of you to see how they feel.
if it is true love you can over come this, if it is not, you will probably feel even stronger for not letting this man walk all over you and keep taking without giving something back.
e another promise to change and after the promises he just goes back to being the way he actually is as a person.
if he really loved you in the first place you wouldnt be where you are now!
how many times will he keep promising things and let you down before you see or accept that he is not able to make you truly happy (afer 11 years together).
if your marriage was shorter or there was a lot more happiness i might think differently.
but this isnt some little fairy tale childs dream its a large part of your life and in a partnership that is loving and respecting you need communication and happiness and someone you know is going to stand by you.
can you honestly say this man is capable of that. do you have to ask if you still love your husband and want to have a life of endless promises and excuses!