Is it unrealistic to be with a life partner who has what you need and want?
Widowed after wonderful marriage. Eventually dated some men. It’s been 6 years and I’m in a dilemma now. Dated a man on and off for 5 years. Sex is great (still) and chemistry too. But he has almost no money for retirement and he is 65. I’m 60 have saved money and want to enjoy my retirement in a few years.
Then I met someone else some time ago. He can take care of himself for retirement, very nice, educated and a professional like me but little chemistry. Sex is just ok (at best). I enjoy his company and he is good to me.
Do so I accept someone as my life partner who falls short in some respect like chemistry or finances, or start all over knowing no one is perfect (including me)? I do want to at least find a partner to live with even if I don't marry.
money is not everything and you don't know what could happen in the future to change the financial situations for any of you in this story.
you could realistically end up bored and regretting things if you chose safe money and security ahead of someone who isn't really what you want.
you need to stop putting social expectations, your personal and relationship wants into neat little labelled categories, life and people aren't just about signing off neat little tick boxes. what happens if this rich man lost his job or money overnight in some business investment or something out of his control, are you just going to walk away, start an affair!!
these kind of issues are also playing with peoples feelings whilst you decide and are getting the benefit of both of their attention!!!! that isn't fair and is really a shield to cover that you are really using people whilst you figure this all out.
chemistry is a big deal and can help keep things alive in the long term. only to want to be with someone who is rich for security seems pretty calculated and is not about what love is, if you really want the hope of finding love then you have to take it in its complete and honest sense.
you need to be fair to these guys rather than giving false hope, and you need to be honest with them.(not to mention stop deceiving your real feelings).
how would you feel if you thought someone only wanted your money?! would you want too be with them? would you want them to be with you and could you trust them?
you need to try to put this right for both their sakes. this isn't really about a dilemma of confusion, its about insecurity and fear to love for falling out of those expectations and your comfort zone because of what you imagine things to be or could be like in the future,but if you knew the future you wouldn't be writing in to an online forum!!! and if you are not careful you may end up with no one if you are not smart enough to even give love a chance. you either want to find compatible lover or you don't; what you have really i think with the other man (the rich one) is a very close and intimate bond but from what you've said, but that isn't true love.
As someone in your age group I can relate. I'm nearing retirement myself, a couple more years is all I can take at my place of employment. I also have saved money for my retirement just as you have.
I also understand the importance of sex as the body clock has changed. So what's more important great sex and chemistry too? Or a more secure financial future?
Or possibly you could find someone who could give you both.
It depends. I know retirement and money is scary and I also know im only 25 but my !marriage is suffering because of a lack of chemistry or something. So you have to weigh whether or not financial safety is worth more than a real intimate connection with a human beimg.
Retirement and money are one thing when you're a senior and you're single in a relationship. Lack of chemistry in a marriage early on in life is entirely different.