Hot and cold?

Posted by
KIMBERLIE27W
on Feb 21 2018 at 18:56
Member since: 21 February 2018
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category So basically I met this guy on a dating site and everything was going really well, we had quite a few dates around 8 or 9 and have been speaking for nearly a month. We would talk everyday, he would message me in the morning and ask how I was every morning. We arranged to meet on Valentine's day last week and he promised me he wouldn't cancel but on the day he said someone had rang in sick at work and be couldn't make it. All of a sudden after this he started being really distant and now his morning texts get later and later everyday. I asked him the other day what was wrong and he just said he had a lot on with work etc. The past few days he has been distant but fairly talkative until today he didn't message me until the evening and only replied a few times. I have tried giving him space and being nice etc but he's been distant now for nearly a week. I am thinking the worst that he's not into me anymore but I don't know what to do whether to ask him or just keep giving him space? Last time we saw each other a week ago he was still lovely and there was nothing to suggest he wasn't into me anymore. He has just gone distant all of a sudden since when he was supposed to see me on Valentine's day so I really don't have a clue what is going on with him. Since he started being distant he will give me fast replies and ask what my plans are but then won't reply for 5 hours or even won't reply until the next day, i havent suggested meeting up as im taking it as hes not interested anymore but then i dont know whether me not suggesting is making him think im not into him anymore? I dont know whether he just texts for the sake of it now and so I'm being short with him but he's still being distant. This distance was all out of the blue it was going really well until he cancelled last Wednesday and all of a sudden he's become all distant randomly. We havent dine anything physical.I don't know whether I should suggest meeting or maybe be nice as I always wait for him to message me first so I don't know whether that's giving him the wrong message. He told me he's been cheated on before in the past when he did everything for his ex and she cheated on him and before he went distant he seemed genuinely nice compared to the others I've had before he was respectful etc so I don't know whether the fact he was cheated on is making him insecure etc and that's why he's stopped putting effort into me or whether it is that he's not interested anymore but I can't see how I could've made him loose interest. He also said last time we saw each other that he catches feelings quickly and easily and that he felt things had moved really quickly so I just don't know if he is genuine and maybe has ran off because he's scared due to his past and is waiting for me to put the work in or whether he is just using me?
Reply from
ALTREAL
on Feb 23 2018 at 02:14
Member since: 20 August 2015
It's a bit odd that you have gone on 8 or 9 dates with this guy already, but your Valentine's Day plans are the ones he canceled. But it is possible that other people at his workplace had already put in for Valentine's Day off, or else just called in on that day, and then he had to pick up the slack - similar things have happened to me at work before. Sometimes you'll have the best laid plans, but then duty and responsibilities get in the way of what you want.

It's even more impressive to me, though, that you went on 8 or 9 dates in a month! At that point I would usually be really into a person and spending my days off with them. I don't know how it is for most people or if it's different for some than for others, but I would be blessed if I got that many dates in a single year - with one person or 9 different people. Is it possible that the two of you overdid things and blazed through the initial spark too quickly?

What I don't think makes sense here is that you feel like you have to let him contact you first. Most men actually wouldn't mind if the woman was more direct with them and took more equal initiative in contact. This is especially true if the guy is somewhat shy, or cautious. If you want to find out how he is doing, if you want to meet again, if you want to find out if he's still interested in you - the next course of action is obvious = get the ball rolling on it.

Best of luck, and keep us posted on how things are going!

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Feb 23 2018 at 04:43
Member since: 27 December 2013
I agree. Guys don't like that much texting.

So it's time to move this from a texting based relationship to one of action. You may need to be more assertive - but not in the texting world. Maybe he wants more from you after 9 dates, in terms of organizing the dates, making plans, etc.

Make plans with him. Plan a nice date. If he breaks it again, then he's not the guy for you.

At least you can then say you did everything to get this relationship going. The next step would be his.

Reply from
TULOWITZ
on Feb 23 2018 at 14:55
Member since: 18 November 2017
I hear concern in your words: concern about your relationship with someone that you seem to like and may be right for you. I’ve noticed in my own texting that often the person can misunderstand the tone of my words. I could mean something in a light-hearted way, but the person I’m texting to will read it in a serious way and possibly become angry or dejected. I think it would be okay for you to text him first. Have you considered meeting up and talking this over face to face? Think about it. You would be able to hear the tone of his words and possibly understand his feelings and emotions better. You are right in saying that he might be scared. Since he has been burned in the past, he is probably being more cautious in his relationships. We live in a society that seems to use social media first before face to face contact. Try talking to him with spoken words and maybe your relationship will flourish. There must be something there, because he hasn’t stopped. I pray you will find a way to understand what is truly going on.
Reply from
ALTREAL
on Mar 5 2018 at 03:32
Member since: 20 August 2015
Well I guess this post is a bit late, but I just felt like I had to add it.

In response to Susie: "I agree. Guys don't like that much texting."

That's actually not the point I was trying to make at all. I kind of agree and disagree with the statement.

To be honest, I actually would like it if I had a woman interested in me and texting me a couple of times a day. (As long as she isn't expecting me to respond instantly, and to put my job or other interests completely on hold for it.)

On the flip-side of this, a friend of mine has this girl he isn't even interested in that texts him very frequently. He hates it. So I realize for a lot of guys maybe they do hate texting, but it's definitely not the case for all men.

What I was simply suggesting is to take initiative in contacting the guy, may that be through texting or in person. You gotta go out and try to get the story, like a reporter - until then all you have is your own suspicions, and little else.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?