At what point do financial lies become unforgivable?
Bf of 6 years has lied about his finances in past to make it sound better than it is (he racked up a lot of credit card debt he couldn’t afford). Because of this I never lived with him. We do love each other and have chemistry. He is finally getting his finances back on track after much effort on my part of helping him budget etc and him getting a modest cash gift from family. However I find out that his elderly mother is in credit card debt up to her ears and he is working it out through lawyers to close her account (he handles her affairs as her POA). Trouble is he used that account from time to time when he claims he was short on cash including paying car insurance (every month including up to January) but the REAL issue for me is when I asked a month ago he said he only used her card for gas from time to time (he now says he told me car insurance but I don’t recall that at all and then he told me he "forgot" they debited his mom's account every month). What made me ask was I noticed he used her card to pay for an expensive dinner in January and I got really upset so he put his own money in her account to pay it. Today, he tells me he closed his mom's account and is paying down the other one (each month in a good amount) and he called the bank to start debiting his car insurance from his own account (now that I "caught him" right?). I suppose now I need to decide if all these lies should be excused since he wants to move in now? Is it worth the risk ???
Id say that you wait a little more time before he moves in to see if he actually lives up to his word and doesn't do it again because once you are living together it would be a harder situation to sort out if you find out he's lied again. so id say wait it out a bit and keep an eye on him and when you see the all clear then give it a go but only when you absolutely trust him! if you have any doubt at all then don't do it. listen to your gut.
Hope it all works out!! good luck! (Y)
I think it’s wonderful that you are willing to help your friend out. It seems as if he really needs your guidance. You’ve been through a lot with him, yet you’ve continued to help him out. It’s not easy to tell people we love that they have made some mistakes. He will be a better person for learning to get his finances under control. If I were you, I would be hesitant to let him move in. Is it possible that he would take advantage of your finances and expect you to pay for things instead of him helping out? I would talk to him about this. If you do move in together, he should be expected to pay his share of expenses. Have you looked at the rest of your relationship? Do you feel comfortable with everything else? Do you think that he is hiding anything else? I don’t want to just say get rid of him because he may be a very kind and compassionate person who just needs help in this one area. A few years ago my husband and I took a class by Dave Ramsey. It’s a way to show you how to live debt free. It’s called Financial Peace. You may want to check it out. I pray that all works out well for you.