Online dating late 40’s
TOPCAT1538 - Mar 1 2018 at 02:36
I have been divorced for over a year but was in a loveless marriage for much longer. I have dated several women over the last year and have had many different experiences. Both good and bad. I decided to take some time away from dating until about a month ago. I started chatting with 3 women online. I am very old school which doesn’t help with online dating. I have a difficult time investing in more than one woman at a time. So after many rounds of chatting I decided to meet one of the woman. She was certainly my favorite for a lot of reasons and no she was the most attractive of the 3 but we just seemed to get each others humor and had the most in common. The first night we were scheduled to meet happened a little different than typical first meetings. I was originally busy with family that evening and we were going to meet for a drink later that night. My family plans fell apart and I was available sooner. I let her know but she said she was meeting friends for dinner but was still hoping to meet me later. She then texted and said if her girlfriends encouraged her to leave early she would text me. I was pleased to receive an early text. We met somewhere in the middle for a drink and spent over 4 hours talking and getting to know each other. I walked her to her car and she said she had a fun time and for me to let her know if I would like to go out again. I immediately told her the same and that I was interested. I hugged her but no opening for a kiss. By the time I got home I had already received a text from her saying she had fun and for me to let her know I made it home. I responded and said good night. A few days later we chatted and l asked her to get together again. We made plans to go to dinner. Dinner was great it took about 4 visits from the waitress before we even looked at the menus. After dinner we went to a bar next door and had another drink and just talked. We spent over 5 hours with each other. I walked her to her car again and gave her a hug but no still no kiss. I would say that she has displayed all other signs that she is very interested from light touching to playing with her hair great eye contact and laughing and smiling. We texted again that night and chatted a few days later and made plans for the following weekend. I made a dinner reservation and texted her the place and time. She then texted back and said she made a reservation. It was at a place I mentioned the previous week that I was interested in going but it is much further for her so that made me happy. We met for dinner and again it took several visits from the waitress before we even ordered. We had a great dinner and then moved to the bar. Before we knew it the bar was closing and again we spent over 5 hours together. I walked her to her car and actually worked out a date for the following weekend right there. I hugged her again and was really hoping for the kiss tonight but did not get the green light. I am 49 and she is 46. I like her and everything other than the no kiss says she likes me. I am very good at reading people. We are seeing each other this weekend and I invited her to come with me to see a friends band play so she knows that she will be meeting some of my friends. Am I stressing out over the no kiss thing. I feel like such a teenager right now but all the other women I have gone on dates have kissed me on the first or second date if it was going anywhere. I would love some feedback on how I should handle this kissing thing going forward or if I should just go with the flow. I want her to know that I respect any boundaries she has but want her to know that I am lookkng for a romantic relationship and not a buddy. Thanks for your responses.
First, let me say that you're a good man. We need more like you.
Since you're honorable, why not just tell her you've been wanting a kiss, and ask her if she'd be open to it? You two seem to talk easily, so just talk about it. About expectations,timelines, boundaries, etc. At our age, we're certainly grown up enough for a conversation about this stuff. I know that when I started dating after a 26 year absence, it took awhile to feel comfortable. Women (and men) that are actively looking to date get inundated with messages from people looking for sex. People will mislead you, posing as "nice". Most are not. She may just be trying to make sure you are who you seem to be. She may be finding it hard to believe, as men like you are as rare as they come.
So why not just talk to her and tell her your intentions. You will likely be very happy with how that works, for both of you. Worst case, she's not open to talking about it, and you're no worse off than you are now. Plus, how she responds to a suggestion for a "personal" conversation will tell you a lot about her.
P.S.: I know how thankful I was when the man I am committed to now had this conversation with me. After our first date. I'd been married for decades, while he'd been single. We came from vastly different experience in the dating department, and I was SO happy when he initiated a conversation about this. We quickly found common ground, and 15 months later, we are still so in love it's dumb. Good luck!