Marriage on the rocks
DONDONS1984 - Mar 3 2018 at 21:12
So, wife and I have been living with her parents since we are renting our home out for the last 2 years. I keep trying to go back. Since we moved in we had our son who is now 1. Well she has kicked me out and is blaming her parents saying that they did it even though I know she did it cause now she is talking about divorce and it scares me. I have asked her to go to a counselor with me and she hasnt told me anything. So I went to one myself. This person we have gone to before. When my wife and I spoke about it she said that I have never taken the persons advice. Well I am and have. The biggest part of the advice that this person gave was to get out of the home of her parents and to go back to ours. Her and I were going to be doing this but she decided against it and now I am staying with my parents. The counselor has told me to not initiate conversation with her and that if she wants to talk about it to do it over the phone and not text and that I need to give her space for several days. Well since he told me to do this and he told her she has become more hostile and it is killing me not being able to see my son and have contact with her but I understand were he is coming from. So now I am worried that we will never heal and that this is only leading down a dark path that wont heal itself. She doesnt trust me and has told me she doesnt. She doesnt respect me and makes me out to be the bad guy in all of this and will continue to do it. I dont want to leave my wife and I love her so much. I am trying my hardest to fix this and I dont know if she is trying. I just dont know what to do and am at a loss. All I have right now is my own mind and that is it.
So, to me, I think the main issue to focus on right now is that she doesn't trust you. Once we find out why she doesn't trust you and how to get to a place where she does trust you, it'll be easier to communicate with her and also see your son.
The only way to find that out is by talking with her. I know that you said she's gotten more hostile. I think only you can make the best judgment in terms of when she's had enough of a cool off period. Once you think she's had enough time to cool down, I think you should call her or text her and ask if she'd be willing to talk in person about why she doesn't trust you. If she isn't willing to talk in person, then at least over the phone or via text. At least that would show that you really do want to know why she doesn't trust you. If she refuses every means of communication, then you simply can't directly communicate with her. Hopefully, you can at least find out from her when she will be willing to discuss the issue with you. And finally, if there is someone else that she is close to that you are on good terms with, maybe they might be able to give you more information on why she doesn't trust you.
Those are my ideas for now. Just keep in mind that you know your dynamic better than I do, so if you think that one of these ideas might heighten the hostility between you two, then put it aside.
Alright. Let me know what you find out. Hope you're able to make some progress between youa nd your wife.