Newlyweds minus the intimacy
My husband and I have been married for 7 months, and we have been "intimate" less than 20 times. I have talked to him about this twice, and he keeps saying that it will change, but it hasn't yet... I am over weight and have never thought that I was very pretty, but I believe him when he says he loves me. But at the same time, when we go weeks on end without being together it makes me feel awful and makes me start to wonder if he really does love me. He is 10 years older than me, but still under 35 so I wouldn't think that his "drive" would be an issue. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Omg ok this is a sign. That's why I'm searching forums at 2a. I was just 21 and my now husband was 29.(25&33 now) not gonna lie we met in rehab. He had been there 4 mos me just detox. That's usually not a good situation lol but we actually stayed straight and still are.
Anyways it was all normal plus some for only about 2 mos. Sex of course. But also the way he would look at me, he checking me out. You know just how every person that attracted to the other does. Just stops. And yes alwAys been with older women.
Almost 5 years later and I'm up in the middle of the night talking myself into being selfish for once and leaving if only at night so he can still see our 2 year old. I'm telling you. .warning you it will year your self confidence to absolute shreds even though it's not our fault. I even refused to marry him until our connection for better. It's not even about sex now, that would be amazing of course but im dying from the loneliness. It sucks. Very lonely because talking to someone about your perceived failure as a womAn is embarRassing
I mentioned the rehab because people say drugs mess with your libido .I saw an article about it last night. Guy winch has an article called "Sexual Rejection From Your Partner Damages Your Self-Esteem" and it outlines ways to address it without further pushing them away and when to put your foot down
Are you happy in the relationship? Do you miss sex, or is it mainly the unanswered questions and resulting (and understandable) insecurities that are causing your upset? If you're happy, and feel satisfied other than sexually, is that something you can accept long term? If sex is something you need and want, and your husband can't/won't talk to you or eagerly work toward healthy compromise, can you stay in the relationship without resentment building to lethal levels?
I realize those questions aren't easy, but I believe your answer lies somewhere in the hard questions... unfortunately...
I'm confused? Are you looking for advice? You may want to do your own post.
Nope trust me. I knew 4 years ago what could be done for me to feel those things again and just haven't done it for a reasom. I just couldn't believe I saw so many things about it when I was on here. It's not something you ever hear about. even if you don't care about sex and that's all you re missing at first, it'll start running deeper after a whjilw.
sex frequency does not typically increase as relationship matures. typically it decreases so it will change but not in the direction you want. it will not change unless he does something to correct it. it may be physical or emotional driven but without actions it will not be self correcting. you are correct at under 35 his sex drive should be much higher than three times a month. has your appearance and weight changed significantly during the past seven months?
you need to make him tell you the exact plan he has to correct this deficiency in your relationship. tell him your desired frequency for intercourse. be firm and dominant in the conversation and do not let him wave you off with generalized comments. ask him what you can do to help in curing this problem. tell him the relationship cannot be tolerated without improvements.
Overworking, death in the family, drugs, drink, distracted by another woman, porn, depressed? Are there children? In law or parent issues? There are many reasons why sex drive drops for a young man.
When was the time BOTH of you have had a physical?
Don't let this go on, but do make an effort to find out what's happening with both of you. Outside counseling would help, too, either from pastor or marriage counselor.
Yeah I'm we never go to the Dr either. And just saw something about hypoactive sexual desire disorder which is basically triggered by stuff. Either way please don't just let it go. I don't even know you but I don't want anyone to have to deal with it. Maybe you could bring it up to him at first like you wanna be able to pamper him so he doesng feel inadequate