Introvert dating an extrovert
I have been in a relationship with my finacee for 2 years now. Me (31) & her (30). We been having a number of arguments about a similar topic for some time now. She usually goes out with friends to go drinking at the bar and return home in the am. I dont mind her going out but i live in South African where we have high violence towards women. 1st outing was with her coworker who ended up picking up guys late at night they went to her place though she said the guys were there for her coworker. 2nd time she tells she going out the day she going out early in the morning only to fond out she made those plans on facebook. And recent thing is that she went out with someone she just met at the mall I mentioned my concerns of people being drugged and trafficking. She never called me saying she was safe or not when she got home.
Now i spoke to her about my concern of outing that puts her life at risk but she states that am trying to prevent her from mingling with friends.My other concern is that our society views women who act like that as single and most guys end up having one night stands with them. I believe she is faithful, but she is continuing to expose herself to a lifestyle that is not healthy for someone who is engaged. Since her friends end up picking up guys at the bar.
Am i wrong to bring up my concern or am i being controlling. Cause i worry when i dont hear from her and its affecting my psychological wellbeing and health.
Unfortunately, no one can necessarily say with certainty what the intention is of a guy who just meets a woman at the mall. But typically, one would think that the guy is interested in the woman that he meets. That is, wanting more than just friendship. Like, something intimate. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case here cause I don't know who this guy is, but I feel like that's usually the case.
And yea, the bar is commonly a place where men try to pick up women. So, I agree that other people would think that such women are single.
As far as being drugged and trafficking, I'm not personally familiar with how common that is in South Africa, but if you gave me the numbers or stats, I think that could be more compelling.
I think that you're right to bring up your concern about her appearing single to guys like when she's going to the bar or when guys talk to her at the mall. Not sure about the guys late at night. If they're just coworkers, fine. But, a bunch of guys you don't know will be problematic. Because you won't know who they are, their background, and their intentions. For me personally, at least here, I'm not convinced yet of the danger of being drugged and trafficked. But, that's because don't know anything about South Africa. And so, for everyone else who doesn't know anything about South Africa, I think having those stats are very valuable. That's my view.
Hope that helps. Good luck.
We have an average murder rate of 52.1 people were murdered every day and an average of 109.1 rapes were recorded each day. ( https://africacheck.org/factsheets/south-africas-crime-statistics-201617/).
The guys meets are not colleagues but rather guys she meets at the bar. Sadly most women get raped and murdered.
Oh okay. Yea, that sounds like a lot.
Yea, definitely doesnt sound like a good idea to be just meeting guys at a bar. You dont know who the are.
Also, she's your fiancee. Why is she still meeting with other guys? Why can't she socialize in other ways. I dunno. To me, sounds like an odd way for someone to socialize who is about to get married (assuming this is a monogamous relationship).
You say this issue keeps coming up? If this is an ongoing disagreement, and she's aware that you're not happy with how her behavior is affecting you, and she's still doing these things... then you need to ask yourself if you really want to spend the rest of your life having this same argument, over and over. She's shown you who she is and you need to believe her.
You can't control her choices or her behavior, so stop trying. If she's not worried about the crime rates, it doesn't matter that you are. All you can do is decide if you want to share a life with someone that makes choices you're not comfortable with, and doesn't take your feelings into consideration. If you want to stay together, you need to accept her as is, without an expectation of change. If you aren't willing to do that, you need to move on.