Advice needed please!
I would like some honest opinions please. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 4 years. I do love him very much and we are happy. The thing is.....and it is a very big thing, we haven't had sex or been intimate with each other in 14 months.
Its gone so far now that both of us have avoided bringing it up. Other than the no sex we are a normal, happy couple. We kiss, cuddle, sleep naked together and tell each other we love each other but that's it. We don't live together as yet but see each other 3-4 times a week. Its really getting to me now. I'm so ashamed that I cant and wouldn't mention anything to friends to get their advice.
Both of us were never confident when having sex and I guess it just got harder to discuss until now......I just think...Is it me, does he not fancy me, has he met someone else.
I would love a strangers honest opinion.
Ok, so you know the reason why, both of you lack in confidence when having sex. You need to have a conversation with him. Yes, 14 months is a long time not to have sex, and it is important in a relationship but since you both lack in confidence in this area you both may not of known how to instigate or help one another, so you fell into a routine of not having sex and concentrated on other areas of your relationship instead.
You need to talk about this with him and don't doubt hes not thinking or feeling the same, I'm certain he is but to overcome this communication is key.
Anxiety, will make you question yourself, him and your relationship and it will make you feel like this is a huge problem, when actually it doesn't have to be. It only gets bigger and makes you feel worse if you avoid it. It will do you good to get some reassurance from him, to help you stop thinking he doesnt fancy you or theres some else. He may need some reassunace from you too.
Aside from this you discribe you relationship as a happy, loving one where you still kiss and cuddle, theres still something there. Just because sex has stopped it doesn't means your relationship has to end, in my opinion. As long as you both put the effort in helping this situation. This could be done by couple counselling or thats not affordable finding a book you can both read and encouraging each other and establishing how often to sex that is comfortable, 'normal', for you both to make you both feel happy and content and there is no more anxiety. Don't rush it or put huge amounts of pressure on yourselfs but do talk.